Continuing my trend of updating about once per month...I swear I will try to do better, OK Mom?
Those who know me, know that I always enjoy coming up with new and funnier ways to make people laugh (AKA mess with people and laugh at them, knowing that, if they were in on the joke, they'd be laughing too.)
Recently, I have created an on-going gag that, I humbly believe, tops anything else I have ever said. I'm talking, of course, about my home country, the Glorious Nation of Penispants.
Let me start by explaining how I created this gag:
In February, some friends and I went to the annual sake festival in Niigata. We had such a blast last year that we wanted to go again. Based on last years experience, however, we knew that this event, which is basically a 2-day-all-you-can-drink-sake-for-$20 booze extravaganza, is rife with old, drunken Japanese men who like to try to talk to foreigners, sometimes very close to our faces, in mostly incoherent Engrish. In order to dissuade these chatty Cathies, I decided that, since we were all wearing funny hats and mine had cat ears, whenever a drunkard asked, "Where you from?" I would simply reply, "I'm a cat!" in English and refuse to say anything else. This worked quite well for a while, causing people to first become confused ("What is Cats?") and then losing interest and leaving me alone. Then, I met a drunken old man who just wouldn't take "I'm a cat!" for an answer. Inspiration struck and this conversation ensued:
Drunken Old Japanese Man: Where you from?
Me: Penis
DOJM: Peeniisu?
My Friend: Like in your pants?
DOJM: ??
Me: Yes, Penispants. (In Japanese) I'm from Penispants.
DOJM: I don't know Penispants.
Me: It's an Eastern European country that was formed when the Soviet block collapsed.
DOJM: Ohhhhhh. I've never heard of it before.
Me: Yeah, most people haven't--its a really small country. But if you google it, you can find a map easily.
DOJM: OK, here, could you write the name down for me? I want to look it up went I get home!
And thus, the Glorious Nation of Penispants was born. It works so well because nobody knows all of those ex-soviet countries-- I mean, I'm pretty sure Romania has never even heard of the Republic of Moldova. I can only imagine what that guy thought went he did a google search...(find out the google results for yourself here: http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4SNYI_enJP307JP307&q=penispants )
After that, my friends all got in on the game, too. We spoke only Japanese and Penitspansian, so we had the perfect excuse not to speak to people in English. We met a lot more people who were super excited to meet people from a real Eastern European country, hear us speak our native language, and even sing a traditional Penispants drinking song. We even fooled a group of American frat-boys who spoke no Japanese OR Penispantsian, but did want to take their picture with us.
After the sake festival, I have been telling people I am from Penispants on a number of other occasions, such as at "hanami" (traditional Japanese cherry blossom viewing party AKA the nation of Japan's excuse to get drunk and loud outside). My new nationality also came in extremely handing when a couple of Christian missionaries came to the door. Normally, if you tell them you can't speak Japanese, they still don't go away--they just open up their list of languages they have pamphlets in--but, unfortunately for them, Penispantsian was NOT on their list. Interestingly, when I told them I was from an Eastern European country, they assumed I must be a mail-order bride--but went I told them that I'm not married and am here for work, I'm pretty sure they thought that I'm a hostess/prostitute. At any rate, they haven't been back since, so FYI feel free to use the Penispants excuse when those types come to call.
