Let's Learn about Racism in Japan!

Last month ANA sparked a controversy by airing an ad that featured two Japanese actors speaking in English about “changing the image of the Japanese people.” At the end of the commercial one of the men wears a blond wig and comically large, fake nose. When people (mainly foreigners) started complaining to ANA, they began apologizing directly to anyone who called to complain, but continued running the ad unaltered. As the outrage grew, they eventually cut the foreigner costume and an exchange about how foreigners like to hug but Japanese do not from the commercial.

I’ll let you watch the original ad and decide for yourself whether or not it is racist and in what way:

The ad brought international attention to stereotypes many in Japan hold about foreign cultures, but those stereotypes are by no means a new thing. In fact, they are pretty much par for the course in Japanese media. I can think of lots of examples, but I’m just going to focus on one for now.

There is an anime called “Hetalia Axis Powers” that personifies the countries of the world to tell the history of WWII.  As is often the case with anime, the voice actors record “image songs” for their characters. These songs (and the show itself) are clearly meant to be funny. I think comedy provides excellent insight into the mindset of those who find it amusing, though.

**Disclaimer (before any anime fans get up in arms) I am not criticizing the show Hetalia, its creators, voice actors, or viewers. I am merely using it as a lens to point out stereotypes portrayed in Japan that some people believe. I have met many Japanese people who do not think in stereotypes. I have also met many people who say things like, “You’re too quiet to be an American!” or, “You're a foreigner, how do you know how to use chopsticks!?” to me.**

So, let’s learn about racism and foreign stereotypes in Japan through anime songs!

The Good

...or at least not exactly negative.

Great Britain

The song entitled, “The Gentleman that Never Loses” points out the following:

The British are chivalrous and smartly put together. They believe in the importance of manners and tradition as well as a sharp wit.

Also they believe in fairies, curses, ghosts, magic, superstitions, and supernatural phenomena.

In, “Let’s go to the Pub!” we learn that:

It rains everyday, but they do not use umbrellas, because they are “British gentlemen.” They go to the pub to eat fish and chips, drink, and put curses on those they don’t like. Also, they still haven’t forgiven America for leaving them.

France

France’s image songs are called, “Be Embraced by the Tres Bien Me” and “The Magnificent Paris”

Both songs are about the following:

The only place in France is Paris. And it is beautiful. The people are romantic and constantly drinking wine. The rest of the world is enchanted by France, and longs to become its prisoner of love.

Russia

It’s cold there. Very cold. It is dark. They drink vodka to forget their troubles (like problems with other countries). Some choice lines from the songs include:

“It’s cold enough to freeze Swan Lake,

but I’ve gotten used to it” 

“I hope the Baltics still like me

Don’t bother me, Belarus

Drink some vodka and then there are no more tears”

Also here is a list of things from Russia people have heard of: Cossack dance, borsch, piroshky, matryoshka dolls, and the Kremlin.

The Bad

...and goofy.

China

China is a proud country with 4,000 years of history (compared to Japan’s meager 2,000 years) and tons of historical and cultural significance such as the Silk Road, the Great Wall, and Peking duck. Did we mention their food is really good?

Anything that sounds complimentary in these songs, however, is negated by the fact that China is the only country that speaks Japanese with a goofy accent and strange grammar.

The song “Ni Hao China,” is a mixture of Chinese and Japanese, all pronounced with that silly “Chinese” accent. 

This, however, has to be the most insulting example:

The Japanese word for the country of China is Chūgoku. The character China says, “Chūgoko.” So, China cannot even pronounce it’s own name correctly.

(Meanwhile all the other countries speak normal Japanese, but their songs are peppered with very poorly pronounced words in English/French/German/Italian/Russian. How’s that for prideful hypocrisy?)

In the song “Aiyah, 4,000 Years,” China reminisces about its great, strong past, while trying to insist that it has not lost all significance in the modern world.

“I long for the world I once created for myself...

Ni Hao Ma? My body now aches all over

Maybe I’ll try making a new type of sweet”

China also makes reference to Japan:

 “The child I found in a bamboo grove

You’ve grown up strong and powerful”

What this all boils down to is the idea that

Japan = Superior

China = Not a threat

USA

These song are so ridiculous because of the amount of “English” in them that I offer the full lyrics as written in the official Hetalia character image song score book, translated by me with the words that were originally in Japanese in italics for clarity. The only meaning I can glean from this is that Americans have a hero/superiority complex, are loud and obnoxious and are fat because they eat nothing but giant hamburgers all day, every day.

“W-D-C~World Dancing~”

Giving up is Nonsense! This sky

A red line with a shining star.

Cross the borders between countries, sadness Good-bye!

Stuff your face with HAMBURGER

Now, Everybody! Dancing!

Washington, District of Columbia

D.C. Oh!

Charging headfirst! With bravery and justice All right!

1-2-3 & Stand up!

Freedom! Oh!

1-2-3 & Stand up!

Freedom!

I make sure not to read the situation Going My Way

That is STYLE brimming with VITALITY

Ride a UFO watch a movie Hot! Night!

Our PARTY cake is the color of the world! Join us!

1-2-3 & Stand up!

Freedom! Oh!

Use a MACHINE to diet, the results: All right!

We fly our flag proudly Oh

Cross the borders between countries, sadness Good-bye!

Stuff your face with HAMBURGER

Now, Everybody! Dancing!

Washington, District of Columbia

D.C. Oh!

*Not recorded in the official lyrics are the spoken lines, which include America shouting, “Yes we can!” to a background of “The Star Spangled Banner” riffs.*

“HAMBURGER STREET”

U-S-A Oh Yeah!

Aren’t I so cool, get it on

H-B-G Oh Yeah!

I’m the world standard, going on

I only have a map of the USA

I can’t sleep if I see something scary

A Cute and Fight nice Guy?

U-S-A Here We go!

U-F-O Oh Yeah!

It’s my Best Friend, “Tony!!”

U-M-A Oh Yeah!

The more unidentified the more exciting Dream on

I never skip the ice cream after a meal

I don’t try to read the situation, eh-heh

Big and Many is a given

GIVE ME MORE HAMBURGER!

When I’m happy it’s HAMBURGER

When I’m sick it’s HAMBURGER

If you put one on your head, you feel instantly better

HAMBURGER STREET

I’m the world’s hero!

HAMBURGER STREET

I’ll go if it’s for justice Yeah!

HAMBURGER STREET

I’m counting on your backup Boys&Girls

HAMBURGER STREET

I don’t acknowledge opposing opinions, HA HA!

WOO-HOO

R-E-D HYA HO!

Of course red is my color, Because

U-S-A Oh Yeah!

If another country toes the line Power Down

I can’t forget my COOL transformation

I don’t think about things once I’ve made them, eh-heh

I don’t care if you say I'm a fatty

GIVE ME MORE HAMBURGER!

When I’m alone it’s HAMBURGER

During a conference it’s HAMBURGER

I change the seasonings everyday, so I never get sick of them

HAMBURGER STREET

I am the leader of this conference!

HAMBURGER STREET

Super sized strategy, Yeah!

HAMBURGER STREET

Get into the party spirit Boys&Girls

HAMBURGER STREET

I won’t take any criticism from England

If you liken the world to a bun,

The other countries are the

Cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion

Ketchup, pickles, and mustard

And then there’s the main event

Everyone’s favorite, the hamburger

That is me, America

“HERO BURGER, it’s on sale and getting rave reviews!!”

HAMBURGER STREET

I’m the world’s hero!

HAMBURGER STREET

I’ll go if it’s for justice Yeah!

HAMBURGER STREET

I’m counting on your backup Boys&Girls

HAMBURGER STREET

I don’t acknowledge opposing opinions, HA HA HA HA...!

WOO-HOO

The Axis

...we’re all friends here, right?

Italy

Italians love to eat. In fact that seems to be all they can think about.

One song, called “Let’s Boil Some Water,” is just about how much Italy loves pasta.

Highlights include:

“The source of my energy is 100% durum semolina”

and

“Pasta, pasta, pasta, pasta, pasta...”

Then there's “The Tasty Tomato Song,” with the repeating refrain:  “Buono! Tomato buono tomato buono buono, ooo! Tomato!” 

The rest of the song talks about how wonderful tomatoes are and scolds other countries for not eating enough or using them incorrectly.

Bonus side note:  This show’s title, “Hetalia,” is a portmanteau of the words “heta” (unskilled) and “Italia” (Italy). The main gag of the show is that Italy was the weak one among the Axis powers that couldn’t get its act together, throwing a big wrench in their world domination plans.

Germany

Germans are strict, disciplined, cold, and incapable of having fun. And naturally eat only sausage and potatoes.

The first song, titled “The German Hymn: I was Made in Germany” includes the following sentiments:

“Clean your room well.

No complaining.

Maintain the status quo.”

“I always read the manual through.

Exceptions are not allowed.”

“Don’t waste your day off.

Taking it easy is not allowed.”

“Einigkeit und Recht und Freiheit (Unity and right and freedom)

I really want to eat a sausage...

Einigkeit und Recht und Freiheit

I want to eat one covered in mustard.”

(We later learn that Germany also wants to eat mashed potatoes when he thinks of these core values)

The other song is just about how lonely and isolated Germany feels at being forced to play the villain all the time. 

Japan

The song, “Pardon Me, I’m Sorry,” portrays Japan as a small, quiet country that has always been fighting some battle or another. The people continue to hold on to traditional Japanese beliefs, like reverence for nature, taking baths, and working overtime. They are constantly apologizing and believe “bashfulness is a virtue.” However, they cannot ignore the urge to Westernize, as in these examples:

“I love new things.

I love trendy things even more”

“Fluttering black hair,

Tomorrow it will be mustard yellow”

And here are just a few excerpts from, “The Land of the Rising Sun, Zipang”

“Allow me to introduce myself, I am Japan. My hobbies are reading the situation and keeping my remarks in check.” (spoken)

“I’m trying hard every day

To live up to America’s unreasonable demands.

This looks gross,

I can’t eat this, but it’s mine now”

“Some days I think I can’t keep pace

With such a young country,

But I haven’t forgotten

The spirit of the samurai.”

“If you need something miniaturized, leave it to me.

I’ll even make a whole assortment of colors.

When you work in two dimensions, you don’t get soiled.

Well, except for your heart.”

“As soon as the country was opened,

There was a shocking, immediate change,

We put all our efforts into wearing Western clothes and shoes!

But we soon got too used to them.”

“People tell me to say what I really mean,

But I think more deeply than they do,

So I can’t just convey my mind through ‘yes’ and ‘no.’”

I want to give them points for teasing Japan about the same things outside critics point to, like acting over apologetic, and showing a lack of creativity and individual thought. However, I’m not sure if the songs mean it to be a negative thing. Seems more like they are blaming the West, specifically the US, for forcing them to be that way (and forcing them to fight a war in which they did absolutely nothing wrong) and criticizing Japan for allowing themselves to change.

Most of these stereotypes simply expose a general lack of real knowledge about foreign countries (i.e. Paris is the only city in France people have heard of and Germany = sausage), but some hint at a deeper, darker (willful?) ignorance about world history and Japan’s place in it.

I’m not going to be a downer and start talking about the countless times Japanese politicians and media representatives have been chastised for ignoring, explaining away, or denying Japan’s wartime atrocities like comfort women and the Nanking Massacre.

I’ll just say that, in my opinion, viewing the people of the world as a bunch of stereotypes instead of individuals who are human just like you is a dangerous and damaging outlook that can lead to racial conflict, no matter what county you were born in.

To end on a lighter note, here is a bonus racist ad that hasn't been in the news:

This ad that is all over the JR train system right now is for an English conversation school. The large text reads, “In the global age, the world is your rival. The deciding factor is conversation skill.”

So, yes, Japanese men, if you learn English you will be able to steal white women away from their white boyfriends. (I had no idea I had become such a hot commodity in Japan).

Let’s not even mention the fact that this insinuates the white woman couldn’t possibly be able to communicate with the Japanese man in Japanese. No one seems to think this image is strange, but I’m pretty sure if this ad showed a white man stealing a Japanese bride from a Japanese man, someone in Japan would be upset.

Take a listen to these Hetalia songs and many more (a lot of them are quite catchy). 

See what else I've written about Hetalia.  

Japanese Dating Tips

I went to get my hair cut the other day and was looking through a women's fashion magazine called "Vivi" at the salon.  Towards the back, there was an article about how to tell if a guy is lying to you, while at the same time making sure your lies fool him.  Now let that idea just sink in for a moment. 

It included tips about, "how to cover up that you lied when he asks you point blank."  For example, if he asks, "Did you cheat on me?"  You say "Yes.  (pause)  No wait--I mean some guy asked me out to dinner, so I thought that may be considered 'cheating.'"  (In this scenario you did, in fact, cheat on your boyfriend, but now he thinks you are just stupid and don't actually know what that word means.)

There was also a list of ways to efficiently snoop around on his cell phone to find out if he is cheating:
1.  Buy the same type of phone as him, so you can "accidentally" mix them up.
2.  Buy him an app as an excuse to get him to tell you his password.
3.  Remember that smart phones can access PC email, so don't forget to check all his accounts.
4.  Look through the photos he has on the phone to see if there are any other girls in them.
5.  Steal the memory card from out of his phone.

So everyone is always lying to each other, and they don't trust each other in the first place anyway...
No wonder Japan is a "cheating culture" where women accept that it is normal for their boyfriend to cheat on them, and men (as well as women) use that as an excuse to keep cheating.  What I want to know is why does anyone bother getting mad about it then?

My Earthquake Experience

By now I'm sure everybody is fully aware of the 9.0 magnitude earthquake and consequential tsunami that hit northeastern Japan on March 11, 2011.  I have refrained from commenting on it up to now, because I wasn't quite sure what to say.  I was extremely lucky; no one I know personally was killed or injured, my house did not fall down, and really I have suffered no ill effects, other than getting extremely annoyed by people in Tokyo hoarding toilet paper, bread, batteries, and other goods that should have been sent up north to the affected areas to help those truly in need of them.  Now, nearly three months after the disaster, I finally feel ready to share my experiences from that day and the days immediately after.  I feel like, though the direct impact on my life has been extremely limited, I have seen evidence of the best of humanity (mixed with a small amount of shitty behavior) through this tragic event.

On the morning of March 11, I made the trek to the nearest national tax agency.  The due date for filing was the following Monday, so I hoped to avoid super long lines by procrastinating just enough that I still had one full business day before the inevitable last-minute dash.  What I thought would take all morning and afternoon, miraculously took only 30mins, so I had several hours to kill before a scheduled meeting with a friend in Shibuya.  Thinking I would just go early and do some shopping (as a reward to myself for paying those taxes), I headed there after a quick pit stop for coffee and cheesecake (another reward, which I totally deserved--come on, taxes suck).

I arrived at Shibuya around 2:46pm.  I remember the time because as I was exiting the ticket gates the entire station started shaking violently.  I knew immediately that it was the strongest earthquake I had ever experienced and I knew it was definitely an unusually big one because a station attendant started shouting over the loudspeaker, "Everyone, hang on to something!"  I steadied myself against a nearby pillar and watched in shock as the signs and automated schedule boards swung back and forth precariously.  The doors of the trains that were in the station had been closed to prevent anyone from trying to run off, because inside a (stationary) train is one of the safest places one could be during an earthquake.  (Though personally I was glad not to be in one of the claustrophobic steel tubes that were swaying back and forth with abandon.)

After about five minutes that seemed much longer, the shaking subsided.  The station attendants told everyone to wait calmly for further instruction.  After about five more minutes when no more rumbles arrived, the people around me started to go about their business as if nothing had happened.  Obviously the trains were not up and running yet, but the stores reopened right away and, despite one shattered plate-glass window, I saw no damage around town.  Since the shaking had felt so strong where I was, and no one else seemed to think anything of it, I assumed we must have been near the epicenter and, though it was a big one, there was no serious damage done.  I found out later that the quake registered in Shibuya was only about 6 magnitude.

Since no one seemed to be panicking or talking about the quake and the stores were still open for normal business, I continued with my shopping plans.  Around 5:00pm I went to meet my friend, but, realizing that her train may have been delayed, sent her an email to see if she was still coming.  I waited for about 30 minutes, and when she did not show up and I had still not received an email reply, I went to Starbucks to wait for a while.  The place was completely packed, but I managed to get the last seat at the large table on the second floor.  I read my book for about two hours until I heard a nearby couple on a clearly awkward first date discussing the trains.  "When do you think the trains will be up and running again?" she asked, with a tone that suggested what she really meant was "because I want to get away from you as soon as possible."  "Well, they're saying definitely not until last train time at the earliest," he responded.  At this point it was 7:30pm and the last trains are around midnight.  This is when I began to suspect something more serious was happening than I initially inferred.

I left Starbucks and joined a throng of people watching a live news feed being broadcast on a TV outside of a store.  That is when I first saw the footage of  the tsunami wiping away a parking lot full of cars.  There was an air of panic around me as people gasped at the horrible footage and tried to call loved ones on their cell phones.  The cell network had been completely overloaded since the quake of course, which is why I never heard back from my friend.  I walked toward the station to see if there was any news about the trains and saw long lines at every normally ignored public phone, since only land lines were working.  At the bus terminal, there were people lined up in four rows that stretched from one end of the station to the other waiting for buses with no guarantee of what time, if ever, they were coming.  Inside the station people were milling around, some sitting and leaning against the walls and pillars, clearly prepared to camp out for the night if need be as the station workers kept repeating that they still had no news of when the trains would be running again.

Since I knew that even if the trains started again I would have to wait for hours in line just to get on an agonizingly packed car, I decided to start walking.  I live about 20 minutes by train from Shibuya.  It took me about four hours to walk home.  I figured I would just follow the tracks until I got to my station.  Once I got out of Shibuya, where there is no direct path that follows the tracks, so I had to walk down some very creepy, dark alleyways, and past Daikanyama, where I got turned around and took a 30 minute detour because the tracks disappear underground, it was easy to just follow the overpass and the long line of people that were doing the same.

After walking between four stations, I realized I had not eaten since that cheesecake around 12:30 and stopped at a convenience store.  Though the shelves where already growing sparse, I managed to get the last pork bun and a tall can of beer (yeah, it was definitely time to start drinking at this point.)

Halfway home, I crossed the Tama River, which acts as the border between Tokyo and Kanagawa Prefecture, where I live.  From the bridge, the light from a huge blaze on far off Tokyo Bay could be seen and a voice drifted eerily from a loudspeaker on the Kanagawa-side, warning Kawasaki City residents to stay away from the river "just in case" the tsunami were to cause flooding.  (I guess the Tokyo side is not as overly cautious, or they don't care about there citizens as much...) 

When I was on my way to the station one stop away from my own, a man started walking next to me and trying to get my attention.  When I took out my headphones he asked in Japanese, "How far have you been walking?"  With plenty of other people around I felt it was safe to have a friendly conversation about our shared situation, so I answered him and we commiserated about the long walk.  Then he said, "Your Japanese is really good, where are you from?  I'm trying to learn English."  --Oh, wow, you are one those people and you are willing to use any excuse to try to talk to a foreigner.  Maybe you should spend that effort on making sure that all of your loved ones are safe.--  Still, not wanting to be rude, I allowed him to go through the usual stupid list of queries that they all ask:   "How long have you been in Japan?"  "Do you like Japanese food--can you use chopsticks?"  "What about natto?"
Then he asked if I was going to the next stop and when I said, "No, one more after that," my heart sank as he cheerfully announced that he was going to the same place...  Starting to feel creeped out, I pretended that I was going to make sure my friend who lived at the closer station was alright, so I could get rid of him.  Then he asked for my number, or rather demanded, "Hey, give me your number, so I can talk to you sometime!"  I blurted out, "I have a boyfriend!" hoping that would deter him, but he pressed on, saying, "Oh no, I didn't mean it like that--I just want to practice English, because I work in a foreign-owned company.  We should have coffee sometime so you can help me practice my English, you can even bring your boyfriend."  --Yeah, right, creeper.-- Now feeling thoroughly uncomfortable, I gave him my business card, saying, "If you ever need translation services at your work, you can contact me."  I then hid on a side street for several minutes to give him time to walk ahead before setting off on the final 30 minutes of my walk home.

I managed to get home at 11:30, only one creepy experience and a couple of blisters worse for the wear.  Luckily, the only damage to my apartment was this:

No collapsed walls, no gas leak or fire, nothing broken.  Just a few figurines that fell down.  I was extremely fortunate.

The next morning my doorbell rang.  There were two little old ladies at my door.  They asked if I was alright after the earthquake, so at first I thought they were from some community group coming around to make sure everyone was safe.  Then they said, "Well, that near death experience must have gotten you thinking about what is going to happen to you in the afterlife, huh?  Have you heard of Jehovah?"  That's right, the fucking Jehovah's Witnesses were using a disaster that has caused the deaths of over 15,000 people with thousands more injured or missing as an excuse to proselytize.  Now, usually I try to politely decline taking their creepy-ass Watchtower pamphlet, but I was so furious at the insensitivity of these people that I just shouted, "NO!" and slammed the door in their little old faces.

So, I had a couple of bad experiences that were especially shocking because people still think it is okay to act like that in the midst of a huge tragedy.  But I have also seen the generosity of people, donating their money and, more recently now that conditions have become safe for civilians, their hard work as volunteers in the clean-up efforts.  I am glad to say that, despite a few bad apples, most of the country (and that includes the foreign residents) has truly come together to help those in need.

For details on the earthquake/tsunami visit:
The wiki page:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2011_T%C5%8Dhoku_earthquake_and_tsunami
The Japanese Meteorological Agency:  http://www.jma.go.jp/jma/en/2011_Earthquake.html

To donate to the Red Cross from America (choose the "Japan Earthquake and Pacific Tsunami"):  https://american.redcross.org/site/SPageServer?s_subsrc=RCO_ResponseStateSection&pagename=ntld_main&s_src=RSG000000000

The Search for Yan-san

If you are like me and many others who have studied Japanese at university, you have probably watched the Japanese language learning program "Yan-san and the Japanese People."  This NHK-produced "drama" from the 1980's is about a foreigner of never explicitly stated origin who comes to Japan to work/study as an architect. 

Yan-san

Through the various predicaments he finds himself in, the Japanese language students are supposed to learn important grammar points, but the real charm of the show (whether intentional or not) was the hilarious, over-the-top acting and ridiculous situations.

I was recently re-watching the second season of this classic when my friend and I realized that we could probably find where Yan lived using addresses and visual clues from the episodes.  And so began our search for Yan-san...

Google-mapping the address seen on a plaque in the first episode of season 2 led us to a neighborhood near Oshiage Station in Tokyo.  After winding our way through the tightly packed streets, we found it...Yan-san's apartment!  It is still standing, though it shows the more than 20 years of wear and tear since the show was filmed (when it was already pretty run-down).  Also still there is the shopping street he frequented and the park he ran through  on his way to pick up his love interest, Okada-san.

The address plaque, updated with Romaji since the 80s.

The nearby park, site of epic jumping over the fence scene.



The shotengai (shopping street).

The fruit/veggie stand Yan-san's neighborhood friends owned.

Yan's apartment building!



A light is on in Yan's apartment...looks like he's home. 

Of course we couldn't just look at these historic landmarks...Some scene reenactments were in order.
First, the scene where Yan's landlord is walking home after shopping at the veggie stand:

And of course, I would be remiss if I didn't reenact Yan's leap over the park fence as he joyously runs to pick up Okada-san from the station for his nabe party.

First episode of Yan-san season 2 can be seen here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LiDFrYG3zes

Marrying Celebrities

I received an email from a survey site for foreigners in Japan that I belong to looking for foreign women in their 20s~30s to rank a group of comedians in terms of who they would want to marry for a segment on a late-night variety show.  The 1,000yen paypal/amazon gift card they were offering was nice, but I would have done something that awesome for free!

The best part about this survey is that it is aiming to "get the unique opinion of foreign women," but everything about it from the concept itself to the wording is so Japanese that no real foreigner to Japan would even be able to answer the question posed legitimately.  Even the types of responses they expect are clearly rooted in Japan's idea of what marriage is supposed to be like and their stereotype of "the foreigner."

So, basically, they were asking me to rank 10 comedians, who are panelists on the program, in order of who I would most like to marry (hah) and give a reason as to why they are desirable/undesirable marriage partners.  They note that the respondent should not base their reasons on "looks, their television personality, or how popular they are, but on their potential for the future and their humanity."  (That itself is ridiculous since the only way to judge the marriage potential of these guys is by watching how they look and act on TV...)
Anyway, after saying that they list several examples of reasons (they believe) a foreign woman may list for both why she would and would not want to marry one of the comedians.

Examples of why someone would be a good marriage candidate:
"Because if I had a child with him, the kid would definitely be cute."
(Um, I thought we weren't supposed to use looks as a reason...)
"His job surpasses the boundaries of just a 'talent'--he is actually a world-class entertainer, which is a fabulous job, so even if we got married, I'm sure I could live happily."
(Okay, number one, no Japanese TV talent is known or will ever be known world-wide, so get over yourself, Yoshimoto Comedy Corp.  And number two, you do realize that in most of the places "foreigners" come from, most modern women are NOT housewives that depend on their husband's job to make them happy, right?...oh wait, no, you don't.)
"I can brag to my friends about how handsome he is."
(Seriously, I thought we WERE NOT supposed use looks as a reason!?  Also, worst reason EVER to get married...)

Examples of why someone would be a bad marriage candidate:
"Because in my home country, they say you shouldn't trust someone who, even though he's a man, is a smooth talker ."
(What?  What country is this person supposed to be from...?  'In Soviet Russia, the woman smooth-talk you!')
"I couldn't introduce this feminine-looking guy to my parents."
(Yeah, Japan, just keep up the 'Japanese have so small penis' thing and I'm sure you'll be able to take over the world eventually.)
"Based on his personal appearance, his fashion sense is doubtful, so I couldn't live with him."
(Why did you say were weren't supposed to use looks as a reason? Was that a typo?)

Anyway, here are the 10 comedians that I had to rank.  See if you can guess who I picked as my top and bottom choices (and remember, don't use looks as a reason!).

The results of the survey will be shown at some point on London Hearts, which is on TV Asahi, Tuesdays at 9pm.  So, if you live in Japan, keep an eye out, though who knows if they will use my comments or not...

Kawasaki Rocky!

I went to Kawasaki again this year on Halloween and this time actually went to see the Rocky Horror Picture show, which I had planned to see last year but didn't.  It was really fun and interesting to see how similar it felt to seeing it in the US, yet how different it was at the same time.

Some differences I noticed:

1.  The Japanese cast that performs Rocky are a lot less creepy than people in the States who do it.
(No offence to US Rocky performers...but I still have nightmares about the time I saw it in Madison and a Tiny Tim look-a-like with a 2-foot long beard wearing nothing but bikini briefs sat his cold, bony ass on my lap and kissed the top of my head *shudder* during the "Don't Dream it, Be it" number.)

I theorize that the reason for this is that they only perform it once a year here.  Perhaps weekly or monthly performances are just too much for a normal person to handle and after a while people start to lose the boundaries between their everyday life and the film world...or maybe it is just that there are so many weirdos in Japan who do much crazier things, people who act out a cult classic in fishnets and a boostie seem tame by comparison...? 

2.  They spent several minutes before the show teaching the audience how to do the Time Warp.
At first I thought it was a waste of time, since it should be pretty easy to pick up during the movie--I mean there is a dance chart and a guy giving instructions and everything--but when the pivotal scene arrived, I realized that I now knew the moves, including all the hand motions, much more thoroughly than ever before, so it was a lot more fun!

They also did a little pre-show Time Warp outside to get people interested; here's a clip:

(However, compared to the street dance performance I caught last year http://sarahheartsjapan.blogspot.com/2009/11/kawasaki-halloween-adventures.html 

this was not very impressive...)

3.  Overall, is seemed much less "dirty."  The last time I saw it in the States at the Uptown in Minneapolis, they added a lot of gratuitous lewdness that really had nothing to do with the film, or as my mom put it, "they took the innocence out of it."  The show in Kawasaki didn't have any random strip-show, or overly heavy use of crude language (don't worry, they still made "the virgins" erotically eat bananas on stage, so it wasn't some Mormon edit of the show or anything.)  It was just about enjoying the film and having fun no matter who you are and what you wear; a more pure style of Rocky Horror similar to what it originally like in the 70s (based on what I have heard anyway).

4.  People brought children.  There were several parents who had never seen the movie before and brought kids with them...I was shocked at first, but then realized that the kids probably didn't have the ability/patience to read the subtitles, so most likely wouldn't pick up on any "adult situations."  Also, there are plenty of magazines and porno theater posters with much more explicit visuals out in the open for kids to see here anyways...   

All in all, it was a great show, and I actually think it is the most fun I've had at a live showing (compared to the three times I have gone in the States before).  Good job Japanese Rocky fans!

The Encyclopedia of Hot Guys

A while ago, I heard about a book called Moe Danshi gatari （萌え男子がたり）or "Talking about Hot Guys."  (The term "moe" is a phrase that comes from the verb "to sprout" but is also a homonym for the verb "to burn" and is used as otaku slang to refer to something that turns one on, so a more accurate translation would be "guys that get you hot," but I digress...)  The book is a collection of the favorite "types" of 52 manga artists (most of whom write boy's love comics) with the artist's own explanation and drawing for each.  So, obviously I had to pick myself up a copy...

Many common archetypes are included, like "the older man," "the poetic guy," and "the guy who's good at raising children."  But, this being Japan and all, most of the types are pretty bizarre (and there are five very specific types of "guys with glasses" to choose from--so you know megane boom is here to stay).  Here is a handful of the most surprising/odd/hilarious...?


Hottie #03:  Sukima Danshi

"Sukima" means gap/crack and according to this author (Yuiji Aniya) this type of guy "likes tight spaces."  He "chooses the seat between two people on the train" and "whenever he sees a small space like a closet, cardboard box, or trunk he feels like climbing inside" (he doesn't of course, "since he is an adult after all," but he wants to).

I think the funniest thing about this one is the little "sukima" the guy in the drawing is showing off.

Hottie #08:  The Macho Drag Queen
I think the illustration (by Tetsuzo Okadaya) says it all.

Hottie #15:  The Bath Boy
This author's (Atsuki Kyouyama) explanation is creepily specific:  "The bath should be slightly tepid.  The lighting should be 60W and white.  His knees should be just peeking out of the water.  A boy taking a bath alone, quietly thinking about something, or nothing at all, while he stares into space."  Whatever lady, you just like looking at wet, naked dudes. 



Hottie #30:  The UNfashionable Guy with Glasses
Yeah, that is called a HIPSTER.
(Illustration by Asumiko Nakamura)

Hottie #35:  The "American Casual" Guy
Author Haim Hinode explains, "'American casual,' which gives a look of both wildness and naivety, personifies the 'strength' of the male aesthetic." 
Ummmm...oookay...

Hottie #40:  The Reptilian-type
Yikes...well, I guess someone has to like the creepy guys...
(Illustration by Marta Matsuo)

And, in case you were wondering (as I'm sure you were), MY favorite type represented in the book is:

Hottie #37:  Hoso-Macho Danshi
A term meaning "slim and muscular."  Author Hyouta Fujiyama puts it nicely by saying, they have "nice curves created by tight, effortless muscles, which unfortunately get covered up when they put on clothes."
OH YEAH, that's what I'm talking about.