Gloomy's America Tour

Gloomy Bear will be visiting America from August 1st to September 6th. Follow Gloomy's adventures as we travel around Minnesota, Wisconsin, and California. (Updates to come soon...whenever Gloomy Bear has time.)
Gloomy baby (pictured here) will stay at home and hold down the fort.

Japan is Serious about Pest Control

Though they can be found all year round, summer in Tokyo is prime time for cockroaches. After spotting a big one, chasing it into my shower room with cockroach spray and then discovering two more that I had to bravely combat with the effective (if not super fast) pesticide, I decided it was time to bring in the big guns of Japanese cockroach control: the mother of all roach motels, "Gokiburi Hoi-Hoi," or "Cockroach, Shoo-Shoo."


As you can see from this adorably illustrated explanation, the happy-go-lucky cockroach is entranced by the smell of the bait (which recreates the scents of beef, shrimp, vegetables, etc) and cannot help but be drawn into the trap. After wiping its feet on the door mat (which removes any oil or water that could reduce the trap's effectiveness) like a polite little cockroach, it soon finds itself stuck to the super sticky floor inside. It then apparently proceeds to do a comedic "Oh no, my leg is stuck, now my other leg is stuck, now I'm even more stuck!" routine similar to when someone accidentally superglues something to their hand on TV.


The aforementioned "foot-wiping mat," complete with adorable, drunk-looking, cartoon cockroach.


The supposedly delicious-smelling bait placed in the center of the sticky floor.

After a surprising amount of construction on my part, I ended up with the finished product:
They really spared no expense in the design of this roach house...notice the snoozing cat on the roof and the weather vane (which serves as a handy tab to pick up when it is time to throw the trap and its inhabitants away). And of course, they made sure to include the healthy, happy, cartoon cockroach looking out the window to trick the real cockroaches into believing there is nothing suspicious going on inside.
"Don't be a pussy, this looks legit."--The last words of every cockroach to see this house, ever.

No, I am NOT engaged...

Every year, Pepsi comes out with one or two limited-time-only flavors throughout the year. Others in the past have included Pepsi Azuki (red bean), Pepsi Shiso, and Pepsi Ice Cucumber. The new one for this summer has arrived and, I think, blows all of the competition out of the water in terms of bizarre flavor ideas:
Yes, Pepsi Baobab, inventive indeed. According to the label, they "Used the baobab trees that tower over the African plains as a motif to create a refreshing cola brimming with a sense of openness!" Based on that description, it's not really clear if they actually used the flavor of the baobab fruit, but it has an earthy-herby taste that is pretty good (and tastes even better mixed with Malibu, heh-heh).

In non-beverage related news, I recently went to a talk by a professor who did anthropological research on the host industry in Japan. It was a really interesting presentation that offered some great insights into the reasoning behind both the hosts and their clients. The event took place in an informal setting with exchange students and normal students as well as other professors and a few non-students like me. A home-cooked dinner was served before the presentation, and it was then that I had the following, not quite as interesting, but much more ridiculous, conversation with a Japanese girl:

Japanese Girl: What year are you in school?
Me: I'm not a student anymore, I'm already working.
JG: Oh, what do you do in Japan?
Me: I'm a translator.
JG: Oh, wow, neat.
Me: Yeah, I like it.
(a few minutes later)
JG: Ooo, can I see your engagement ring?
Me: (while showing her the ring I'm wearing on my right hand) Um, sure, here's my ring, but it isn't an engagement ring...see, people wear those on their left hands.
JG: So, is your fiance Japanese?
Me: Uh...I don't have a fiance...like I said, this is not an engagement ring.
(a few minutes later)
JG: So is the wedding going to be in Japan?
Me: Um, OK, like I said, I am not engaged...I don't even have a boyfriend...
JG: But you said you were engaged!
Me: No, I said I was not engaged...
JG: Yes you did!
Me: Uh...when?
JG: At the beginning of our conversation.
Me: Yeah, I don't remember saying that... I am not engaged, so you must have misheard me or something...

And then I just kinda stopped talking to her.
Later, I realized that she had misheard when I said "I am a translator" (honyakusha) and thought I had said "I am a fiance" (konyakusha).
So through this conversation, I learned:

1. The response I get from a Japanese person if I tell them I am engaged, is the exact same response I always get when I tell them I am a translator, "Oh, wow, neat." (Which is why I did not realize right away that she had made a mistake...because I probably would have realized something was amiss if she had said, you know, "congratulations" or something.) So, is getting engaged not really that big of a deal? Or is being a translator really, really exciting?

2. Answering "I am a fiance." in response to her question "What do you do in Japan?" really doesn't make much sense grammatically. Yet rather than think it was strange and ask me again to make sure she had heard me properly, she just assumed I had terrible Japanese (as I suppose a foreign mail-order bride who really is in Japan to "be a fiance" might have). So terrible in fact that, no matter how many times I told her, "I am not engaged" she refused to believe it. So, now I know that if someone mishears a foreigner in the same way they might mishear a Japanese person, they will just assume that it is the foreign speaker's fault and go along with whatever implausible thing they thought the person said... (I know that I did not mispronounce the name of my profession, since someone else misheard it in the same way when a Japanese professor said the same word...)

Shibuya Gals = The Guidettes of Japan

I know I'm a little late to the party commenting about the Jersey Shore, but I don't have MTV, so give me a break. Recently, I realized that the so-called "Guidettes" on the show bear a striking resemblance to the Shibuya Gals of Tokyo. (Now, I know that there are many different types included in this "fashion" and that each have specific names, but they all basically look the same and also I don't really care, so if you are interested in the specifics go here. I am just going to call them all "Shibuya Gals" and I don't want any complaining!)

Here is what I'm talking about:

Separated at birth?


Guidettes vs. Shibuya Gals

1. Obscenely fake tan? Check.
2. Too much eye makeup? Check.
3. Ratty, overly dyed/teased hair? Check.
4. Ridiculous clothing? Check.
5. Nasty fake nails? Check.
6. Super-gaudy jewelry? Check.
7. Look like they haven't taken a bath in a few day? Check.
8. Only interested in dating their male counterparts (Guidos/Shibuya Guys)? Check.
9. Afraid you will catch a venereal disease just by walking too close to them? Check.
10. Just looking to hook-up and have some fun on the Jersey Shore/Shibuya Center-gai? Check and check.

Anyway, let me know if I have left anything off the list, but I believe I have successfully proven my theory.

By the way, Shibuya Guys? Also the Guidettes of Japan.

The Ridiculousness Just Keeps Coming...

I've said before how much I enjoy Japanese dramas, primarily because they are just so absolutely ridiculous. J-dramas are usually between 11-13 episodes long, so there are several "drama seasons" throughout the year and just when I think it can't get any more ridiculous, a new season starts and another drama comes along that tops all those that came before.

For example, a while ago there was a show about the "social dancing" club at a high school (social dance seems to be pretty much the same as ballroom dance, but less exciting). However, apparently that activity was neither lame nor gay enough for Japanese TV, so they had to come up with something lamer while at the same time gayer. I think the conversation went something like this:

Japanese TV Exec 1: "Well, social dance is pretty lame and we did have that one homosexual character, but they were still dancing in boy/girl pairs, so it just wasn't quite enough."

Japanese TV Exec 2: "I know! How about Men's Rhythmic Gymnastics?"

And so, the show "Tumbling" was born.

Yes, a drama about the type of gymnastics that no one ever watches. Women's rhythmic gymnastics is lame enough, but men's? According to the show, the men's version of rhythmic gymnastics was started in Japan, which doesn't surprise me in the least, but I'm still pretty sure there aren't men's rhythmic gymnastics teams at any real high schools. (Men's synchronized swimming teams, on the other hand...)

So, the show just started last week and it seems to be following the classic Japanese trope in which "a rag-tag group of young people attempt to do X-activity, failing at first, but then over an amazingly short time period, barely longer than an 80's training montage, they pull together, overcome various adversities, and give it their all to succeed in the end."

In addition the sappy, predictable plot line, the show is rife with scenes of supple young men helping each other stretch out their tight hamstrings, polishing their batons, and running around in skin-tight spandex. So, you can see that the show is trying to appeal to a wide audience (Japanese school girls who don't know any better and creepy old men).

The characters are ridiculous as well--the main character, an unnaturally redheaded hooligan who is forced into joining the club to make up missing credits so he can graduate, but then realizes he has finally found an activity challenging enough to keep him interested--is probably the least astonishing. There is the captain of the team, who spends at least a third of the special 2-hour first episode crying because, "rhythmic gymnastics means everything to me," and who, surprisingly, I don't think is the gay one. (I know they are going to have at least one gay guy in there for good measure and my money's on the tiny, adorably effeminate first year who sounds like a girl.) There is also the captain's former teammate from middle school, who is now team captain at a high school famous for their prestigious men's rhythmic gymnastics team. He likes to act bad-ass and talk smack about how lame the other school's team is, apparently forgetting that at the end of the day he's still rolling around on the floor with five other dudes in sparkly unitards.

Based on the first episode, I am satisfied with the level of ridiculousness and am eager to see more (did I mention the supple young men running around in skin-tight spandex?) It should be an entertaining ride...

Bonus question: Which do you think is the effeminate one?

Official site (Japanese only) with preview video: http://www.tbs.co.jp/tumbling/

Happy Birthday Mom!

Today (4/16) is my Mom's birthday! So, I am sending my birthday wishes in the form of a Japanese-style karaoke video:

Why I Hate Hipsters.

I know this blog is supposed to be about my life in Japan, so I usually don't comment on things back home. But when I attended the annual sake festival in Niigata a few weekends ago, I came to the horrible realization that a certain plague that has been infecting the US for the past several years has now spread across the sea to Japan. That's right folks, hipsters have come to the Far East.

This is a sake fest, not a steam-punk convention!!

So now, I feel like I must finally address the issue of why I hate hipsters. I should note that, while the majority of hipsters I see are foreign, there is an increasing number of native Japanese starting down the dark path as well.

First off, they love to steal cool things from other people, and then claim that they invented it--to the extent that the original people who started said trend are now only "wannabees" in their eyes. One major example is skinny jeans. Bands like The Sex Pistols and The Ramones were wearing skinny jeans decades before the term "hipster" was even a twinkle in American Apparel's eye. Skinny jeans are punk, period. I don't have a problem with anyone else wearing them, but don't pretend that you made them cool, hipsters. Same goes for Converse high-tops. Even the V-neck T-shirt for boys, which I highly disapprove of (unless you have some really nice pec-cleavage and NO chest hair), was first worn by fashionable Japanese guys (and it was also the thing that made foreign guys swear that all Japanese men are gay), but now every hipster guy is wearing one.

Some other things hipsters have ruined: Bicycles, Used Clothing, Big Headphones, Old-Timey Facial Hair, etc., etc.

Also, gross miscarriage of "Irony." Life is not an Alanis Morissette song; you can't just decide that anything you want to be ironic is ironic. Fanny Packs aren't ironic, also they are not cool. Wearing a Hitler 'stache and doing the "Heil Hitler" sign is not ironic, not even if you're a Jewish hipster.

But the biggest reason I hate hipsters is because they claim they are "cool" because they are so "original" and "individual," while at the same time dressing exactly the same way, listening to exactly the same music, and having all the same values as their hipster "friends." I'm sorry, but I believe you have confused the word "original" with "carbon copy." I don't care if you like "hipster music" or "hipster fashion"--wear what you want, listen to what you want, do what you want, but don't let anyone else tell you what "what you want" is! That's how I live my life...so I guess that means I am not cool...boo-hoo. (Ironic crying)

Check out the hilarious site "Look at This F**king Hipster" for more F**king hipsters: http://www.latfh.com/