Japan = Ridiculous

I have gotten several requests to update more often...but as usual, I am extremely lazy. Plus, I finally bought a TV and DVD player, which, after going through months of TV withdrawal, I am watching pretty much constantly. (Gotta keep that listening comprehension up, right? It helps me learn more Japanese, so really I have an excuse...right?)

At any rate, nothing super interesting is going on with me right now, so instead I would just like to introduce some of the current ridiculousness going on in Japan's pop culture right now...

First of all, let's see what is going on in the world of "Johnny's Juniors." If you have never heard me talk about them before, let me explain. In Japan, there is a huge entertainment agency that basically supplies all the male idols and manufactures boy bands, called Johnny's Entertainment. It is run by a man named Johnny (yes, he is Japanese despite his name) who is most deffinately a homosexual pedophile. Boys can try out around age 10 and if the get in, by proving their dance/acrobatic/musical abilities, they are groomed to become male idols. First of all, they must work as back-up dancers for all ready established bands, but if they do well enough (and possiby perform some "favors" for Johnny...?) they are put into a band of their own. These bands become hugely popular and, unlike female idols who have a shelf life of about 24 years old, as long as they remain popular, they will continue. The most well know and liked Johnny's band, SMAP, which stands for "Sports and Music Assemble People,"debuted in 1991 and is still going strong, releasing single after single and hosting their own variety show, SMAPxSMAP (which I happen to be a fan of). Individual members also have there own shows and star in many dramas as well as appearing on countless other shows.

One of the requirements for a Johnny's band seems to be that they need to have a completely ridiculous name. Other Johnny's include NEWS ("North, East, West, South"), KAT-TUN (a combo of the first letter of each members' family name), and Kinki Kids (Kinki is a region in Japan...but it is still pretty hilarious). Recently, a new band was formed that has the most ridiculous name yet: "Hey! Say! JUMP" Their name is a pun because "Heisei" is the current Japanese era name and all of the members were born in this era. (The first year of Heisei was 1989. There are 5 older members, born in '90 and '91...and 5 younger members, born in '93 and '95...so the youngest member is TWELVE YEARS OLD...sounds like child abuse if you ask me...). Anyway, just when you thought is could not get any more ridiculous: JUMP is and acronym for "Johnny's Ultra Music Power." Oh yes, and the five older members form a sub-group called "Hey! Say! BEST," which of course is an acronym for: Boys Excellent Select Team. Heres and acronym for you Johnny: RIDICULOUS! (OK...not really an acronym...but seriously, your name is Johnny...you could at least pretend to know English...)

Even more recently, a debut single has been released by a group called "Matchy with Question?" Gotta love that the name itself IS a question. This group is a come-back for a former Johnny's idol named Masahiko, or "Matchy" for short and he is grouped together with a bunch of young guys who "play instruments" (Johnny's are not legitimate musicians, it is all for show). He was born in 1964...so there you go, you are never too old to be in a boy band in Japan...good for him, I guess. But really, Matchy...I have a question (?) for you: don't you think you are a little too mature to be in a "boy" band? Don't you feel just a little bit, um, RIDICULOUS?


Lastly, I would just like to mention that the new drama season has started on TV. Now, I love ridiculous Japanese dramas, but I have found one that is just too ridiculous even for me. Based on the comic of the same name, "One Pound Gospel" is a show about a boy who grows up in an orphanage and then becomes a boxer. The first thing that is ridiculous about this live-action version is that the main character is played by Kamenashi Kazuya (a Johnny's of course) who, I am absolutly sure, I could take in a fight. There is no way anyone could ever believe this guy could possibly be a boxer...but, I suppose being able to watch his sweat glistened body prance around in nothing but boxing shorts makes people willing to suspend belief on this point. Although normally this would be enough to make me want to watch the show, it gets even more ridiculous. The main character is also in love with a young nun that works with the orphans...and he is constantly trying to get her to date him. OK. Japan. Seriously, I know less than 1% of your population is Christian, but do you even understand what a nun IS? No! She canNOT date him, it is never going to happen. She is a NUN! WTF!? Plus, if he grew up in the orphanage, you would assume they made him go to church and would have learned that nuns do not go on dates. I should point out that this is not the first time I have seen a Japanese program where a character is in love with a nun. In one episode of the anime Sailor Moon, Artemis--a white, talking cat--falls in love with a human nun. So, I guess compared to that F-ed up scenario, One Pound Gospel really isn't that ridiculous after all.

I don't believe he could be a boxer...but I do believe he looks good without a top...

Guerilla Manzai: Performing at the Police Box

In Japan there are koban, or "police boxes" scattered throughout every district. I call them "direction boxes" because pretty much the only thing the police officers stationed there do is give directions to people. In fact, a lot of times if you go to a police box in a quiet area, there may not actually be anyone there...or there may be a police officer sleeping inside.

A couple of weekends ago, Erin and I walked to Shibuya after we pulled our first "free hugs...?" gag (see previous post). We decided that we didn't want to go home yet, so we wanted to go somewhere warm where we could do some people watching. I suggested Mister Donuts, because not only could we drink coffee and eat delicious donuts, but they usually have a nice big window looking out on the street that is perfect for watching passersby. Unfortunately, we didn't know where or even if there was one in Shibuya, so Erin "dared" me to ask at the koban. It wasn't much of a dare, because I have asked directions to much crazier things than that before, so of course I accepted.

When we got to the nearest direction box, there were two officers standing outside--a big one, and a little one. So, I asked the big one if there was a Mister Donuts nearby. He said there wasn't one in Shibuya, but there was an "And On And" which is owned by Mister Donuts but is a "high-end donut cafe," which means the donuts are super fancey (like their green tea ginger donut filled with red bean paste that runs about 300yen) and the atmosphere is more sophisticated. Yes, a sophisticated donut shop...of course it can only be found in Japan...(to the best of my knowledge). So, he gave us very detailed directions while indicating where to go on a map, while the whole time the little cop was nodding and gesturing randomly at the same map...he must have been in training with big cop to learn how to give directions. Anyway, once he finished the directions he told me my Japanese was very good, then asked where we were from. Seeing the perfect opportunity to perform a little guerilla manzai, I told him I was from a "foreign country." (Since our act is called "Gaijin Dantai" or "Group of Foreigners," if anyone asks us where we are from we only say we are from "gaikoku" or "foreign country," so they just get really confused and keep asking the question in different ways, thinking we don't understand what they are asking.)

So, the conversation went something like this:
Big Cop: Your Japanese is very good, where are you from?
Me: Foreign Country.
Big Cop: Yeah, but which country?
Me: A country overseas.
Big Cop: No, but, which one specifically?
Me: The one that is abroad.
Little Cop: (in English) Where you from?
Erin: (in English) Foreign country.
*Big Cop and Little Cop look at eachother*
Big Cop: (to Little Cop) Uh, that means "foreign country," right?
Little Cop: Oh, I see, you don't want to tell us?
Me: (*oh shit! now he is gonna think we are terrorists or something!) Ah, actually the two of us perform manzai, and that is part of our act...we're called "Gaijin Dantai."
Big and Little Cops: Wow, that's cool!

We then talk with them a little longer about our act, thank them for the directions, and go on our way...without ever telling them where we are actually from.

So,
1. As Erin put it, "we totally asked the popo where to get donuts"
and
2. We deffinately gave them legitimate reason to ask to see our registration papers and/or detain us for questioning by refusing to say where we are from, but they just thought it was funny.

So, thanks nice Shibuya police officers with a sense of humor...I will deffinately use your direction box again next time I need to find a store or restaurant.

Sarah Takes Forever to Update Her Blog

Finally, a new post! I could say it is because I have been so busy that I haven't had any time to make updates at all, which is partially true...but mainly I am just lazy.

Recently I have been doing a lot of manzai (Japanese comedy) with my friend Erin in our duo called "Gaijin Dantai" ('group of foreigners'). So far we have performed at Design Festa--a independent art festival--where we drew big crowds for all of our 5 shows throughout the day. Then, we performed at the Keio University school festival. Keio is where both Erin and I studied abroad in the past and we were invited because some of my friends from the punk rock club I joined while I was there were doing a "movie cafe" and needed performances, so they asked us to do it. It was super fun and was nice to perform for friends and other people around our same age. For more info (in Japanese) as well as a bunch of pictures from these performances, please visit Gaijin Dantai's official blog: http://gaijindantai.blogspot.com/
We also have a group on FaceBook called "Gaijin Dantai Fan Club" which has information in English and a ton more pictures.

What has been even more fun than our recent performances, though, has been our "Guerilla Manzai." Over the past couple of weeks, we have been taking our show on the road...by which I mean we have been randomly doing comedy stuff while we are out shopping/hanging out around Tokyo.

First, have you heard of people holding "Free Hugs" signs in busy cities all over the world? Well, they do it in Tokyo too, so we came up with a great bit using those people (don't you dare steal our idea either!) I go up to someone holding the "Free Hugs" sign and say "Wow, free hugs? Yaaaaaaaay!" and hug them. Then, I reach into my pocket and pull out my sign, which reads, "Hugs 500¥" Yeah, awesome, I know. So far we haven't gotten any money...but I was able to haggle the price of a shirt at the Yoyogi flea market down from 200 yen to 100 yen plus a hug. (I think the guy selling the shirt got the better deal) If you want to see me in action, watch the low-quality video that Erin took with her camera and put up on Youtube:

I have to go now, because Erin and I are performing for the Canadian Ambassador tonight, but stay tuned for more tales of Guerilla Manzai...next time: Sarah tries to get deported by refusing to tell police what country she is from.

Random Funny Stuff

I have had several interesting encounters lately...

So, I went to Harajuku last Saturday. I was really excited, because Harajuku is deffinately one of my favorite places in Japan...if you have been there or seen pictures and know how much I love people watching, goth, punk, and shopping, then you understand why. Even though I didn't buy anything other than a few things from the 100yen shop, I had a great time. But...I saw some members of a visual kei indie band handing out flyers and CDs, so of course I wanted one. There were two guys-- one was talking to a couple of girls and giving them CDs, and the other was dressed in a bunny suit and holding the flyers. So, I went up to bunny guy and asked (in Japanese) if I could have a flyer...he said yes as he was turning to look at me and started to hand out to me, but stopped short when he saw that I was a foreigner...then as I tried to take the flyer, he kept holding it and I had to yank it out of his hands! So, yeah, FYI: when you are a band that no one has ever heard of and most Japanese people would never think of listening to or going to see, and someone actually shows interest and ASKS you for a flyer...you better give them one! I mean, WTF? So, I didn't get a CD, but I do have a flyer/poster:

OK, so, there first problem is that their name is "Mega Mega Heart." Also, just so you know guys...visual kei bands are supposed to be good looking and wear awesome costumes...You guys have the fattest, ugliest guy dressed as a girl? And, what is with the plastic, green eyelashes, dude? (that was the guy that I took the flyer from) Oh, and the guy with orange hair is totally wearing a tube top...under a vest...

OK, so on the reverse side, each member is "posing" with one syllable from the word "arigatou" ('thank you') with a montage of live pictures in the background. So, we have:

1. Blond Guy giving birth to the 'a'


2. Fat Guy dressed as chick trying to look cute, but really just looking frightened with 'ri'


3. Host-looking Guy doing God-knows-what kind of pose, shoeless, with 'ga'


4. Orange-hair Guy wearing tube-top and vest, in some sort of cat/Japanese ghost pose with 'to'


5. And, Hideous Green Eyelash Guy doing...????...while looking off camera, oh, and he is also wearing yellow crocs and a furry green tube-top under a pleather yellow vest, with 'u'

So what have we learned? Basically, if you aren't willing to even give me a flyer, not only am I not going to your show, but I am going to make fun of you mercilessly. Also, I think this poster is amazing...I just can't believe how lame they are, while they are thinking they are super hot. I totally have this hanging on my wall right now. It makes me smile everytime I look at it.

OK...funny episode #2: Today in one of my classes, when I asked a 10 year old boy, "What do you like to eat?" he pointed at me and said, "Sarah!" ....um, I guess I can understand why you would say that...I mean, I am pretty awesome...but, sorry kid, it is never gonna happen--you are only 10 years old, and I'm not really into younger guys.

Also, I finally took a picture of a Lotteria sign:

Home of the "straight burger," in case you are tired of all those gay burgers you have been eating lately...

That's all for now!

Canadian Embassy Halloween Bash

Friday the 26th was the Canadian Embassy's Halloween party! I love the fact that since I have friends that live/work there, I have been to the Canadian Embassy countless times, but have yet to even find where the American one is...Although I'm sure our friendly neighbors to the north would help me out if I got into any sort of trouble, haha.


Anyway...It was a very interesting mix of party-goers, comprised mainly of Candians who work at the embassy, and Japanese women dressed as sexy-cats, sexy-witches, or sexy-devils looking to hook a rich Canadian ambassador or something. There was also live music by the embassy's own Beatles cover band, the "Boobie Brothers" (yay for old Japanese men singing Beatles songs!)

My room-mate and my friend Toshi also came with me so they could experience what a "North American Halloween Party" is like, or at least what a Halloween party would be like if it included the Japanese Beatles and 100 Japanese women in lame cat/witch/devil costumes.

I, by the way, dressed as a host...yes, now that I actually own a suit, the costume I have been wanting to do since my freshman year of college has finally been realized!

I was quite proud of how hosty I was able to make my hair (tons of nasty guy hair gel for hold, pomade for the greasy look, and "super hard" hairspray to keep it in place). I was also proud of how well I strapped my boobs down...it totally looked like I had pecs, and I could unbutton down to the third button, just like a real host!

I was so convincing, I kept getting stared at by the drunk cat/witch/devil chicks and I'm pretty sure they thought I was just some host who came to the party. Which, when you think about it doesn't make sense since it was a Halloween party, any host who came still dressed as a host would be a pretty lame host...but I guess they also think costume= skanky top and shorts and some cat ears.

My room-mate was also really impressed by how I managed to flatten my chest...she had a good time feeling me up, and saying "wow, so hard!" Ha...ha...yeah, guess what, just because they look flat...those are still my boobs you're groping, dear...

All in all, it was a fun evening with fun friends! I just wish I could have met a real host to take a picture with in my host outfit...

China Town Nikuman Tour

Today I went to Yokohama's China Town so I could eat nikuman! If you don't know, "nikuman" are Chinese steamed buns filled with stuff (not neccessarily "niku"--meat). I really love nikuman, and you can get them anytime here since they are at most convenience stores. But in Chinatown, they have the biggest, tastiest, and strangest varieties available!

The first one I ate was the "panda-man." No, it isn't filled with panda meat, it is just a normal, pork-filled bun, but it is shaped like a panda (which means you pay 50 yen more). After I bought it, I asked the guy to take my picture, and based on the fact that he didn't even bat an eye at my request, he must get that a lot. It is pretty adorable...mmmmm, panda.

Next I tried one called 美美 "Mei Mei" using the kanji for "beautiful" twice in a row. I got it because it is probably the strangest nikuman I have ever seen, black dough on the outside, with a layer of pink dough inside, and the filling was a mix a bunch of stuff including squide and rice noodles. Also, it was HUGE!

Then I had what I think was my favorite, the momo-man (momo=peach). Not only is it filled with delicious, sweet peach, it looks like one too!

I also ate a ebi-chili (shrimp chili) "dog." Yeah, instead of being round like normal, it was oblong, like a hot dog, i guess...so yeah, the name is not very appealing, but it was tasty. I didn't take a picture though, because it was not that exciting looking. Lastly, I had a mochi-an-man-- sweet bean paste and mochi inside! I was pretty full though, so I decided to take it home to eat later. "Later" turned out to be about half and hour, after I got home and reheated it the microwave...

So, I tried five different varieties, but there are still so many delicious looking nikuman I want to sample! Good thing I only live about 10 minutes by train from China Town!

Geek Watching

I went to Akihabara, which is the otaku ("Geek") capital of Japan to do some geek watching. I love people watching, and Akiba is one of the best places, because you can see some of the strangest stuff, ever! Unfortunately, I don't have any geek pictures, because they move too fast to be discretely captured on film... However, I do have pictures of some of the craziest stuff you can buy in Japan...

"Juicy Mango?" Yeah, those are deffinately boobs...don't even try to pretend otherwise, little cartoon guy. You better believe I tried to win some, but I suck at UFO catcher (skill crane game).

"Hope on a Rope" Jesus-shaped soap.

A "Black Paint" mask, so you can be a black dude for Halloween! Um...I'm feeling a little uncomfortable, Japan.

Wow, 100yen stores really do sell EVERYTHING...I think I'm starting to feel uncomfortable again...