"Spot the Stereotype" Answers + Newest Manzai Video

The long awaited answers to what American stereotypes I was portraying in my Halloween Costume!

1. Red, White, & Blue "patriotic" clothing.
2. Blond hair. (although that could just be any foreigner in Japan)
3. McDonald's takeout.
4. Burger King takeout.
5. Gun.
6. Wads of cash. (that I threw around recklessly)
7. Low-cut shirt. (American's are skanky)
8. American flag on my person.

And for extra-credit the awesome joke:
My sash says, "David Bowie is afraid of me." It is a joke because I am an American, and David Bowie is "Afraid of Americans." If you still don't get it, google it and download the song/album.

Those were the things I was going for, but some people thought of some really good ones that I hadn't even considered, such as: "An over weight American that needs suspenders to hold up her pants." "A gung-ho war mongrel with that thumbs-up and fierce face." Good job!

Also, here is a video from my most recent manzai performance (in November). Unfortunately, I don't think this dance is as funny as "Total Eclipse of the Heart" was...I think we set the bar too high the first time cuz it is very difficult thinking of songs that are as awesomely danceable at that one...
Also, while last time my suspenders made my boobs look huge...this time they make my bottom half looks huge...not quite as flattering.

OBAMA OBAMA!!!! plus Halloween

First off, I just want to say how pleased I am that I can actually be proud of being American for the first time in years...if fact I have never felt more patriotic (which is saying a lot because I have never been one to show much "spirit" whether it is for my school or my country.) Also, my mom will be happy, because I can actually visit the States during the next 4 years.

It was around 1pm on Wednesday in Japan and I was at work when I heard the good news. My friend, who was lucky enough to be able to take some time off of work to watch the election coverage called me at my work number and surprised me with the victory anouncement (it was so surprising because we weren't expecting any actual decision until 3pm or so). When she said, "Guess who our new president is!" I shouted "REALLY!!!!" into the phone before realizing my boss was still there... (don't worry, I didn't get in trouble or anything).

Needless to say, after work 3 of my good friends and I went partying! First, we met in Shibuya, and my friend surprised us by whipping out 4 mini-bottles of champagne, which we drank on our way to dinner at the most American place in town...TGI Fridays. There, after carefully considering what Obama would eat, we feasted on such American delicacies as Jack Daniel's babyback ribs and deep-fried mac'n'cheese (we are pretty sure Obama loves deep-fried mac'n'cheese.) After our hearty "American size" dinner, we bought some beer from the convenience store and set out to drink in front of every American thing in Shibuya, while searching for an actual American bar.

Our stops consisted of: McDonald's, KFC, the Apple Store, the Disney Store, Starbucks, and a Christmas tree (which, according to Japan, comes from America). We also ran into 2 different guys wearing Obama shirts-- one was from Kenya, the other from Nigeria-- which is kinda funny because they weren't American, but it was nice to be able to see the support and celebrate with people from all over the world.

Unfortunately, we weren't finding any American bars, so we ended up asking at the police box...but the cop there said he had never heard of one of those, so in the end we went to a British pub and were told there definitely are none in Shibuya. The pub, however, had very delicious beer brewed on premises, and even some other Americans there to celebrate with, so it was still fun. Also, if anyone knows Latvian, let me know what "obama" means in that language, because when I said "Obama" to this one guy, who I later found out was from Latvia, he started talking to me in Latvian because he thought I was speaking Latvian...I just kept saying "Obama!" and he just kept saying stuff in Latvian.
**UPDATE**
I found out that a word sounding similar to "Obama" in Latvian means "Hello." So, the Latvian guy must of thought I just kept saying "Hello, Hello" to him.

After a pint at the pub, one of the bartenders at the clued us in to the existance of a funky, out of the way "American Diner" that was nearby, so we headed there next. The interior wasn't very reminiscent of the States, but they had very authentic curly fries and nachos (I mean the fake cheese kind-- VERY authentic, and delicious). I also tried to order some "Obama," but it took the waiter a while to get the joke, and I don't think he thought it was very funny.

So, that was the end of our Obamafest, but did I mention that this whole time we had been shouting chants of "Obama! Obama!" (espcially when we saw foreigners who looked American), breaking into songs like "Oh Obama, you're so fine! You're so fine, you blow my mind, Obama! Hey, hey! Obama, hey hey!" and "B-A-R-A-C-K Obama, night! B-A-R-A-C-K Obama, night!" and saying things like "Obama-gozaimasu" (instead of arigatou-gozaimasu).

Hope everyone else had a fun election night too! (or as we say in Japan, "erection night" heh heh.)


Back-tracking a bit, to Halloween, I went as an "Amercan" (like to way Bush says the word). Basically portraying all the stereotypes people from other countries (and even our own) have of the States. Please see picture below:

Now I challenge you to play "Spot the Stereotype." The rules are simple, see how many Amercan stereotypes (from all over the world) you can spot. I had some others, like a burger-king crown, Uncle Sam hat, a Venti Starbucks cup (that I drank my beer out of), and heart-shaped picture of Sarah Palin on my back, but you can't see those in the picture (well, if you look closely the crown is there, so thats a freebie). In the picture there are 8, plus one awesome joke, that only cool people will get (only 2 people got it on Halloween). If you can guess all 8, you win...absolutly nothing! Well, bragging rights, I guess. I will reveal the correct answers in my next post.

Most Recent Manzai Show

On August 30th, Gaijin Dantai (that is my Japanese comedy group for those of you who don't keep up) performed at a cafe in Jiyuu ga Oka. Here is a clip of our Encore performance that anyone can enjoy no matter what language they speak.

Illegally blogging while boss is at lunch!!!

OK, so I have a bit of time, cuz have nothing to do and the boss is at lunch, so here is: This Week's Adventures in Engrish Resume-land

They just don't stop...

I learned international relations in the topic of fair trade and new clear power issues.
**That is how we can get people to accept nuclear power, change the name to “new clear,” sounds like something fun!**

Course especialist in Electronic machine science

Even though my major was Economics, I was more interested in English class.
**Cool…why is this on your resume?**

・Plan the interesting stuff for the woman through the internet business.
・Provide excellent clerical support for corporate stuff
** stuff= not a good word to use in a resume...**

I am to marry soon.(next month or later)
**“Once I get a fiancé…”**

Managed a data-modeling and client’s requirement definition project in a managerial consolidated accounting area for a non-life insurance company.
**so…is that insurance for dead people, in case they come back to life?**

QUALIFICARIONS & SKILLSFluent in English (TOEIC980, TOEFL600)
**No, NOT fluent in English!**

Bilingual Desktop Support
1: 2.5 years of helpdesk in world top 5 PC maker.
2: Fluent English & native Japanese.
3: High quality customer support.
4: Quick learner of new technology.
5: 2500 yen/h or 5 million/y.
6: early birds catch the worm!
**Only #6 is funny, but I thought the build up is important. FYI in Japanese he says ⑥できるだけ朝早く始まる仕事 (Want a job that starts early in the morning, if possible.) OK Japan, please stop trying to use idioms if you don't understand the meaning, thanks.**

Something to keep you entertained...

until I have internet access again...
I am moving today to a new, awesome place...but that means I will not have the internets for 2 weeks...it takes forever for them to come hook it up in Japan. So, 2 things until I can be back online:

1. I have gotten a lot of questions about "How do you move in Japan?" Well, they have moving companies just like in the States, so it is basically exactly the same. But for how I move...well since I had to pay over 2 grand for move in fees (1st months rent + security deposit + "reikin," which is money that you have to pay the landlord for the privilege of behind allowed to pay them rent and you never get back + realtor fees (yes, the person moving pays them in Japan, not the seller) so, four months rent up front) Plus I had to buy a fridge, washing machine, bed. So, I do not use the moving company...I move a super heavy suitcase on my own, and then send the rest of my stuff with the cheapest package delivery system. Unfortunately couldn't get boxes big enough to fit my TV and shelves, so had to fashiong some Franken-boxes out of cut-up cardboard and lots and lots of packing tape...So that is how I move...with lots of sweat and sore muscles to save a few bucks. (In the US, this is actually how a lot of ppl move I think, but aparently not so in Japan, because everyone was staring at me like I was a crazy person as I lugged my suitcase down the street to my new apartment...whatever, either get out my way or help!)

2. I was reading through some English resumes written by Japanese people at work and thought I would share some of the hilarity. (note, any personally defining information has been removed, so it is NOT illegal for me to post this)

Aggressive and hungry sales activities to get sales quota and actually DID it.

To make your worldwide service valuable, suitable and useful for Japanese market, my experience and skills working in localization team as Translation Project Manager (TPM) would be of intrinsic value.
--Aparently this person has already been working there?...intrinsic?

Graduated from (name deleted) 8th elemental school
--is that like the sequal to The Fifth Element?

Passed 2rd Class Bookkeeper

This last guy has the best resume EVER-- he could totally turn this into a metal song or one of those '80s fantasy movies:

With a burning desire, seeking a breakthrough opportunity to get my feet on the real career ladder—a position exciting and rewarding enough to fully wield my potential. To make it happen, invincibly determined to:
1. Valiantly launch my new career in any given, challenging fields of business;
2. Truly commit myself to success with significance for the company;
3. Eagerly fulfill loyalty to and trust in success of the company.

I. Can develop and drive to execution an ambitious scale of projects. The following are to epitomize my aptitude and power making me unrivaled:

· An innate sense of absolute commitment with an avid passion for making things happen;
· A resourceful and hardheaded, strategic mind for mapping out the roadmap to the best result possible;
· High-caliber leadership ability in integrating, motivating and driving a group of selected people to a single objective.

What all the above have yielded can be illustrated with the following accomplishments during my past profession as Commander-in-Chief as well as a front-line soldier.

--Wait, is this George Bushes resume? He does need to get a new job now...

OK, so that is all until after Sept. 13th. If you need to contact me, please note that I will only be able to check my email at work, so if you send a message on the weekend, I will not get it until the following Monday.

I have been really busy lately, starting my new job and apartment hunting (I am moving on the 30th...need to pack!) So just a quick update with a couple things.

First, my friend was in Hokkaido for the G8 summit and she brought me back a souvenier:

It is a lighter with a picture of all the heads of state who attended naked, washing eachother's backs before getting into the bath. Did i mention they are naked (with little towels covering their junk, but still) and please remember that Germany's is a woman. Oh if you can't tell because the picture is a bit blurry, that is GW in the front of the line being washed by Japan's PM Fukuda...political statement by the lighter?

Also, my new job is going well-- I like going to work and coming home at the same time everyday, and I LOVE having Saturday off and being able to wear casual clothes to work. I also like when my boss tells me that I don't have to lock the office door when I am leaving because he will lock it after me, but what is says is, "Sarah, you don't have to rock." Well, I'm sorry sir but yes, yes I do. I do have to rock, and rock hard...I can't help it, that is just what I do.

Sarah's Super Lame Commercial

After all that hot onion juice I suffered through...they decided not to use my eating face...

Version one: What city is the best? *the out of synch audio is due to the conversion when I uploaded it*

Version two: Which country's food is the best?

I'm In a Commercial!!!

Yes, just like the title says, I got a job to be in a CM (thats what we call commercials in Japan). The filming was on a Wednesday, but since I was on sick leave for work, I was able to do it. That's right, having mono wasn't gonna stop me from getting on TV, making $300 and a bunch of connections! (luckily I didn't have any lines...cuz my throat was pretty bad)

To preface the events of the day, I should mention that this ad is in English, because it is for a travel agency that is aimed at foreigners living in Japan...but it was written, directed, and filmed by Japanese people...yes, there will be ridiculousness.

The day of the shoot started with me getting up at 5am because I had to travel for over an hour to get to the salon they were using for the 8am hair/make-up call. The woman who did my make-up kept say, "wow, you are white" "you are so white" "your skin is really white." So, finally I had had enough and said, "Well, I am caucasian." Which, in Japanese is literally the kanji for "white" and "person." She didn't seem to get the joke though, and said, "yeah, us Japanese are yellow, right?" Woah! I DID NOT say that! I was talking about my own race only...no harm there...OK? She also decided that my carefully plucked eyebrows were no good, and drew on big, brown ones...apparently foreigners have big bushy eyebrows. Also, apparently, foreigners need big, Laura Bush-esque hairdooz.

Next, the producer, or whoever he was (no one actually introduced me to anyone...) asked to see the clothing I had brought with (we could wear our own) and then proceeded to ask the other japanese people, "Which one will make her look most like a foreigner?" Um...how about you let the foreigner decide what the foreigner will wear? If you dress me up like your Japanese idea of what a "foreigner" should look like...yeah, not gonna appeal to actual foreigners. Finally, they decided what I was wearing was the best (yeah, that is why I was wearing it, thanks.)

After everyone (the rest of the cast included a Canadian guy, Scottish guy (named Scott), Chinese guy, and an African-American girl...yep I can guess why she got the part with the line and not me...they love those "exotic black people"...oh Japan, not realizing how racist you are...)was gathered and made-up, we headed to the travel agency's office in Kabukicho...hmmm...(that would be the red-light district) to film the end of the CM when we all go to the travel agency to decide where we want to go on our trip.

Next, it was time for lunch, and guess where they brought us? The HardRock Cafe...um, I guess foreigners who live in Japan love American pop culture? I ordered an overpriced blue cheese burger, but could only manage to choke done a fourth of it (on account of the mono) but luckily, since HR is "American style," I could take the rest home, and a week later, could finally finish it off...that's right nothing is gonna stop me from eating the $18 burger I got for free!

Then, it was time to film the main part of the CM at an izakaya. The premise of the CM is "5 foreigners are at an izakaya, arguing about whose country is the best." So, the other American was supposed to be from California, the Canadian was supposed to be French (though he was NOT French-Canadian), and the Chinese guy was supposed to be Chinese--what a stretch. I felt kinda bad for the Chinese guy though, because his line was in English, but he does NOT speak English...at least that made his accent believable; unlike the "French" accent. Now, while the really fake French accent at the right place and time can be hilarious...this guy just couldn't do a legitimate accent, and as a result, every French person who sees this CM and hears: "I like-a zee Japoneze food-o, but-a Furenchhh iz-a zee best-a" is going to be extremely offended and boycott the travel agency. (FYI Japan: French people don't like to be made fun of.)

Not that I have stellar acting skills by any means, but anyone who has seen a Japanese TV show or movie with a foreign "actor" in it (and these people do call themselves "actors") knows the calliber of talent available here. (Although I do admit having a legitimately talented actor for a sister does tend to make me a bit harsh when it comes to judging others' acting ability) Basically just think of all the "theater" kids you knew in high school and you know what the foreign actors in Japan are like.

Although I didn't have a line, I did have my own part: they filmed me eating...or as they said, "we want to film your eating face." Fabulous...the camera already adds 10 pounds, now everyone is gonna see me stuffing my face...just like the fat foreigner I am... Anyway, I had to "take really big bite" of piping-hot spring onion ("two at a time is better") and chew with a seductive smile on my face (the only part they were filming was my mouth). By the 4th take, my eyes were watering from the boiling liquid on my swollen tonsils, and they decided they had a take they could use. OK...ever heard of using prop food? It doesn't actually have to be hot! You can cool it down first, OK? But, on the other hand the beer was real too and they actually let us drink it, so I guess ya win some ya lose some.

Finally, after everyone had filmed there individual part, it was time for the climax of the CM...when we all jump up and start screaming at each other (cuz that is what foreigners do when they have a disagreement). There are actually 2 versions--one were we argue about what country has the best food and one where we argue about what city is the best...so, the CM will go something like this:

Version 1

Fake French Accent: I like Japanese food, but French is the best.

Californian: What are you talking about (extremely over-done eye-roll) burgers are the BEST.

Chinese dude: No way! Chinese food is number one!

He slams down his beer and we all jump up and start yelling.

Version 2

Fake French Accent: I like Tokyo, but Paris is the best.

Californian: What are you talking about (extremely over-done eye-roll) New York is the BEST. (*wait a minute, I thought you were from California!?)

Chinese dude: No way! Beijing is number one!

(*Go Beijing Olympics 2008!!! Chinese people who see this will deffinately use the travel agency)

He slams down his beer and we all jump up and start yelling.

Since I didn't have an individual line, I decided I would be from Finland, so when we were all arguing I just kept saying, "You guys don't know anything, Finland is the best!"

All in all it was a good experience AND I made some $$. Also, the Scottish guy who was the other extra and I got along really well, and we spent our down time talking about what a douche Fake French guy was and how crazy all the Japanese staff were. He was also kind enough to send me this behind-the-scenes photo he took of me and the director, who is telling me to put super hot onions in my mouth.

The ad will be playing on CNN Japan, which is a cable channel, which means I don't get it. But, I will see if I can get a copy somehow, and try to post it in the future.

Forgot to mention...

I saw an add for a new beverage on the train, and knew I had to try it ASAP, luky for me the 99 yen shop had just stocked it!

Yes, "Lucky Cider," "with kirakira sparkle." In Japanese, kirakira is a mimetic expression used to describe things like sparkling lights, twinkling stars, etc. So, really they are saying: Lucky Cider with Sparkly Sparkly Sparkle.

So why is is lucky? Well, on the back the dolphin explains: "Lucky Cider has a fruity fragrance, and carbonation to make your heart bounce." Whoa! Wait a minute...is it safe to drink? It does indeed have a fruity fragrance and a taste that is pretty much like any other cider.

In the TV ad, a girl in a yukata gives a bottle of lucky cider to a boy, and they sit on the beach drinking it...so I guess that why it's "lucky." But, I still can't figure out...why a dolphin?!

****NEWS FLASH****

This just in!

I was watching the 5pm news the other day, and there was a very urgent and shocking story that was being covered on every channel... Some guy was standing on a bridge over a river (don't remember which one...and it doesn't matter), when he saw...something...it wasn't a fish...it was AT LEAST 3 meters long...it deffinately wasn't a fish, there aren't fish that big in the river, what could it possibly be? It must have been...A CROCODILE!!!!!! AND there are elementary schools located near the river! OMG!!! There is a crocodile swimming up and down the river, plotting to attack school children!!!!

OK...lets slow down for a sec Japanese news...why exactly do you think there is a crocodile loose in the river? What was your proof again, oh, yeah, the only proof you have is that some random guy said he saw something that was too big to be a fish swimming in the river. So of course, it could only be a crocodile, right? Oh wait, except CROCODILES AREN'T NATIVE TO JAPAN! Did the zoo call, saying a crocodile escaped? No? Cuz I think they would probably put out an APB on that shit right away if it happened.

So, one completely random guy "says" he saw something big in the river and every news station is suddenly in a panic about a crocodile on the loose. One station had a reporter walking around the river, trying to find the alleged croc. He thought he saw it at one point, but "oh, wait, nevermind...its just a big fish."

If they thought it was Godzilla's baby or the creature from "The Host" come down to visit from Korea, I would buy it. But a crocodile? So, what, it swam up all the way from Australia? Following that one afternoon of panic, I didn't hear anymore news about it...not a single mention the next day. So, they probably finally realized that there was no crocodile, just some drunk guy who saw a log.

I'm a little bit scared now, I mean Japanese TV has always been ridiculous, but I have always at least kinda trusted the news...I mean, it is the news. Even if it is biased and/or sensationalized at times, it delivers actual facts for my consideration...or at least that's what I thought. Now, I don't know who to trust anymore...are newspapers still OK? In other news, here are some other ridiculous things happening on Japanese TV recently:

There is a show called "Gakkou e ikou! MAX!" ("Let's go to school! MAX!") hosted by the Johnny's boy band V6. One new segment is the "Ikemen oo Contest" or "Hot-guy something something Contest" (the type of contest changes each time, but it is always 'hot-guy' competing. I saw the "sleeping face" contest...and it was amazing! They had all these self-proclaimed 'hotties' lay on futons in a big room, waited for them to fall asleep and then checked to see if they were still hot while they slept, including snore-check. Long story short...even the hottest of guy is most likely NOT attractive while sleeping with their mouth open, drooling, snoring, legs splayed, or any combination there of. The guy who actually ended up winning was an AD (Assistant Director) who fell asleep sitting against the wall. Anyway, a good 15 mins. of non-stop laughter.

Oh yeah, super sexy...

Next, there is a long-running magical girl anime called "Precure," which is basically "Sailor Moon" for the new generation, very popular with little girls, including my roommates 5 year old niece, which is where I got this info. In the show the 5 girls all transform into super heros with names based on what color they are (like Mint, Lemonade, Aqua...can you guess what color), all except the pink one, whose name is "Dream" yeah, OK. But, I'm getting away from the point. There are also 3 guys who are their friends and who change into cute, fuzzy little animals...or they are animals that turn into attractive young men...don't really get which. Anyway, one of the guys is a squirrel...and his name is, ready? NUTS.

It's funny, because his name is slang for part of the male anatomy.

Moving on, I saw another show aimed at children where ninjas try to teach them right from wrong. (This is live-action, by the way) The episode I saw had the two teams of ninjas competing in a mime contest (not a typo) in order to win a scroll that would teach them a moral lesson. The lesson of the show was: "Don't touch people, unless you have their express permission." and "Don't make degrading comments to people about their appearance (like, 'hahaha, you're so fat!)" I have one question: Why isn't this show being shown to every school child from kindergarten to high school, or better yet every single person in Japan should be forced to watch this! Kids, and adults, are constantly groping each other!!!! And everybody is always saying stuff like, "Oh, looks like you gained weight!" or "I see you have a zit on your forhead." This is a tactless, no understanding of personal space society! I applaud the ninjas' efforts, but unfortunately fear it is too little, too late.

On a variety news program (basically a show where they talk about several topics and various talents say what they think about it/show their surprise at some interesting fact) I was watching the other day, they were talking about proving that aliens exist. They had this "scientist" on, who had concrete proof of life outside of our planet. His proof was: tube worms. Tube worms live in the very deepest parts of the ocean, where there are volcanos spewing toxic black fumes and 300 celcius degree water. The surface of Jupiter's moon, Europa, is covered with the same sort of environment. Therefore, tube worms MUST also live on Europa. OK...that sounds like the "If Chewbacca is a wookie, you must aquit" Chewbacca defense to me. Or in other words, the fallacy post hoc ergo propter hoc...thank you high school English class. He then went on to describe the other aliens that exist including details of what they look like. There are the giant, 6-legged 6-toed crab creatures that also live on Europa and eat the tube worms. Then, there are the starfish-like creatures that have appendages that look like fern leave, which they use to collect bacteria from the air to eat that live on Neptune's moon, Titan. And the most exciting, in another solar system, on a planet that is very similar to earth there are giant-brained, long-limbed beings that look like jellyfish floating above the ground and communicate through electrical impulses that light up their gianormus, jelly encased brains. And, what proof does this "scientist" have? None. Zero. He gave absolutely no proof or reasoning whatsoever, and the audience was amazed! Well, at least it wasn't on the "real" news.

The new drama season has started, and aside from the 5-- yes-- 5, police detective dramas, there is a doctor drama starring one of Johnny's favorite idols, Tomohisa Yamashita, or Yamapi for short. The show is about young doctors who are on a fellowship to try to earn a space working as a helicopter doctor (like the doctor who goes to accident scenes by chopper and bring patients back to the hospital.) It is called "Code Blue: Doctor Heli Emergency Rescue." The name of the helicopter is also "DoctorHeli." For real? Now I wanna go to a Japanese hospital and find the landing pad. It is actually pretty good, kinda like "Gray's Anatomy," but without all the sex...cuz that is deffinately not going on in Japanese hospital...yeah right...all the female doctors would be all up in Yamapi's shit...

I'd ride in your helicopter anytime, Yamapi.

Finally, I was watching a quiz show today. At the end of the show, they have a song performance by some of the participants (who are actually singers) to promote their new single. Today's performance was by the new unit, "Aladdin" that is made up of girl band Pabo and boy band Shushishin. The song is called "陽は、また昇る" or "Positiveness will rise again." Clad in rainbow-colored, samba-esque costumes, some of the most memorable lines they sang were: "Let's go, Japan! We are a smart Country! We thought of cup ramen, can coffee, and karaoke!" "We also thought of 'turtle tawashi' (a type of scrub brush), a long time ago!" "Let's go, Japanese Salary men!!!!"

Take two ridiculous "bands" add some fruity-ass costumes and have them sing a song about how great Japan is...they will deffinately become the new royal family here.

Aaaand, I think that pretty much sums it up.

Irish Pub

A couple weeks before I got sick, my friend V and I decided we wanted to go to some bars for a change...as opposed to Japanese style "izakayas" where you just sit with the people you came with. We wanted to talk to random people and bartenders! She ended up coming to my neck of the woods, Yokohama and we went to an Irish pub called The Green Sheep. True to their name, they have a giant inflatable green sheep outside. Of course this is an "Irish pub" as it is run by Japanese people, which actually makes it better, in my opinion.


When we arrived, it was super full, and we were gruffly told by the one whitey waiter, "You'll have to sit at the bar..." Um...yeah, that is perfect because we wanted to sit at the bar, watcha getting all uptight bout, buddy? So we got to sit right next to where the waitstaff drop off and pick up orders, which means lots of opportunities to harass the staff, hahahahaha.


The first people we talked with were some American military guys who were in Yokohama for special training. One of the guys came over with a Japanese guy they had been drinking with and started saying stuff to V (who is Asian, but from Canada, and does not speak much Japanese) in Japanese...until finally I said, "she's not Japanese!" Then the guy was like, "Oh, well why am I speaking Japanese then, haha" and the Japanese guy was like, "Oh, so I guess you don't need a translator then, I'm gonna go back to my girlfriend now..." The military guy then proceeded to tell us his life story, including about his wife who past away...yeah, OK, a little bit TMI, thanks. THEN, his super drunk friends came over, and one of them told us a joke, that he said was sooooo funny it would "make us poop." Well, the punch line was really stupid, but the 10 minute lead up was hilarious, only because this guy was so drunk and walking back and forth in front of us doing weird body movements in accordance to the joke. Meanwhile, one of the wait staff kept grabbing his butt, and finally the guy got mad, not because of the butt grabbing, but because it was messing up his joke...don't ask don't tell, I guess. After finally finishing the joke, it was time for the guys to get back to the barracks because of curfew, so we said goodbye to them.


After they left, I asked the butt-grabbing waiter if he was gay, and he said, "NOOOOO!" Well, in Japan, guys do grope each other an awful lot just for fun, so I suppose he was telling the truth. In response to my question, he asked if I was a lesbian (he knew the word in English too), to which I responded, "No, are you?" To which he responded, "Yes!"

Me: "So, you like girls?"
Waiter: "Yes."
Me: "And you have boobs?"
Waiter: "Yes. Don't touch me!!!!"

So, as it turned out, no matter what other ridiculous/inappropriate question I asked him, he would answer "yes."
Another example:
Me: (after looking at his nametag) So, your name is 'Hikaru?' That is a pretty hosty name, are you a host?
Lesbian Waiter: "Yes."
Me: How much do you cost?
LW: A million yen for 30 seconds. (then in English) 30 minutes!!!
Guess he has a English language special...lucky for me.


One of the bartender's names was Atsushi and we were harrassing him as well. I asked if his name meant atsui (hot) sushi...he told us no, but LW assured us that, yes, in fact "Atsushi" means "Atsui Sushi."


Some other guys came in and sat in the seats next to us...our next victims, so we talked to them for awhile. We had them try to guess where we were from, and for the life of them, they could not guess where I am from. They first guessed Russia (which I actually get quite a lot here) to which I responded, "No way, do I look like a hostess to you!?" (in Japan, if there is a foreign hostess/prostitute, most likely she is Russian) haha...it's funny because it's racist.

Anyway, they then went on to guess a bunch of other countries-- Sweden, New Zealand, Australia, Canada, etc. Finally V said, "I'll give you a hint...She is from North America, but not Mexico or Canada..." And, they still couldn't guess, so they just gave up. I am not even kidding, though I wish I were...they said they were grad students...hmmm...really? In the end, I think everybody, including the bartenders all still thought I was from Russia by the end of the night, even though I insisted several times that I wasn't.


After the grad students had to go back home (they still live with their parents), we got back to talking with the staff again. They brought out a big stack of pictures from their recent company vacation at the beach. There were a TON of pictures of Atsui Sushi naked, covering his junk with a shell and sitting on the dirtiest, nastiest gray sand I have ever seen...they must have gone to Chlamydia Beach. So, of course, I pocketed one of the pictures... Unfortunately, there were no photos of LW naked, but I did find this little gem:

Simply, adorable. When I showed him the picture, he did the pose live.

Around that time, I also noticed a sign in the bathroom saying that on rainy days, the bar offered a special "free rainy day dessert present." It was raining, so of course, I asked LW about it, about 30 minutes later, we were presented with these adorable crepes:

They are in the shape of "teru teru bozu," a charm that people put outside in order to ward off rain.


So, those are the high-lights of our evening, and we will deffinately go back again!


**I didn't post the naked Atsui Sushi picture, because I don't wanna get kicked of blogspot for posting adult material...and also it isn't a very nice thing to do to him because he was really nice. BUT, if you really want to see it (and let me warn you, it is shocking...and hilarious) send me an email and I can send you the picture.

Why haven't I updated?

Yeah, yeah, I know it has been over a month since my last post...but I have good reasons!

First of all, I was super busy with job interviews...that's right, I gave my 1 months notice at my current crap job and began applying and going to interviews. As a result, I start my new job on August 1st!!!! Yeah! I will talk more about that in a later post, though.

The second good reason I have for not posting is, I have been really sick. The week I had all my interviews I started feeling really tired and like I was coming down with a cold, which I figured was because I was having a job interview in the morning, then going to work until late at night almost every day. I thoughtI just needed a lot of rest over the weekend and I would be fine...but I started getting worse, so the next Monday (June 30th) I went to the doctor. Well, turns out I've got mono! Awesome. And, as an extra bonus, pink eye as well! Great! Needless to say I called work and did not go in that day, and since mono is contagious, they don't want me to come in until I am better, which means this Monday is the start of my third week off of work.

I am finally starting to feel better, and the doctor said after about one more week I should be fine. But, anyone who has had mono before knows that it feels like you are dying and you wish you would because then you would feel better, so even though I had nothing much to do, I was in no mood to update the blog.

So first thing, I'm sure everyone wants to know how (or from who...) I got it. Mono has an incubation period of 4-8 weeks, so it is pretty impossible to trace...but here are some ideas I have:
1. From one of the 5,000 hosts I make out with every week.
2. From the random beer on the counter that I drank at an Irish Pub.
3. From that dumpster full of medical waste I was rolling around in. (this would explain the pink-eye as well)

While number two is actually a viable option, more than likely I got it from work. As it turns out, children are often infected with the Epstein Barr Virus that causes mono, but they only get symptoms like those of the common cold, so it usually goes undiagnosed, while they continue to spread the disease like wildfire...it isn't until adolesence that the more serious symptoms like swollen tonsils, lymph nodes, and spleen (lots of swelling going on), and extreme tiredness present themselves. Which is also the basis for the illness's misnomer "the kissing disease." Since it appears to develop at the same time that kids are starting to make-out (well, some kids anyway...cause the deffinately wasn't ME in highschool) and it is spread through saliva. Can you tell I did my research? Anyway, my point is with both pink-eye and mono, the most likly source of infection is some brat at work...gotta stop making out with all those 5 year olds...

As for my doctor visits...The first time I went in, I had a temperature of 38.5 (101 F).
Doctor: You have a fever of 38.5...that is a pretty high fever...did you not notice?
Me: Well...I kinda suspected, but I don't have a thermometer...I should probably go buy one today...
Docter: Yeah, you probably should.

So he prescribed some meds to bring my fever down, and they took a blood test to find out what I had (though I think we all suspected). And I bought a thermometer at the drugstore when I went to get the prescription filled.

The next day, I went back to get the test results:
Doctor: Well, based on your test, it looks like you have mono. Here, on the results, you can see that your spleen is swollen...I mean surprisingly swollen, I couldn't believe when I saw these numbers! This is like the biggest spleen I've ever seen! See here, this measurement should be between 10-40 but yours is 304...isn't that surprising?
Me: Um...yeah...
Doctor: So, mono is contagious, so you have to be careful. But, it isn't contagious, like, if you are just sitting and talking to someone, like we are now...um...well, it is called "kisingu dizeezu..."
*note he was not trying to say just this part in English, they aparently use the same misnomer in Japanese as well.

So this is the point where I nearly fell off of my chair...first of all, a doctor in the US would never say "you have the kissing disease" because it is completely unprofessional and, did I mention, a misnomer...the doctor would say "It is spread through contact with saliva, such as sharing drinking or eating utensils or kissing on the mouth." Also, the doctor seemed pretty embarrassed to have to say that, which was hilarious as well...at least now I know what kind of person he thinks I am. Anyway, I told, him, OK, I understand, we call it that in America too.

After that I have been going to the doctor a few times a week for bloodtests and once for a sonogram of my spleen-baby, which continued to swell, but has now started to go back to normal, which means I am getting better! Except that another infection decided to join the party on my tonsils, which is why they are still so swollen I can barely swallow water. However, with a bacterial infection, I can take medicine to kill it, and I have already started to see improvement (the pustules are starting to go away, hooray!) and the doctor is confident that once I finish the medicine I should be well on the way to recovery.

As for work...the doctor said that there is little risk of infection for other adults (unless of course I makeout with them...or spit in their drink), but it would be better to stay away from children because 1. little kids are always trying to get all up in your business making it easier for them to pick up germs, and 2. with my swollen spleen, there is the risk of it rupturing if I am bumped or do too much physical activity, so I cannot be teaching a class where I have to run around and wrangle a bunch of hyper-active pre-schoolers. I told this to my boss, who decided that as long as I was contagious at all, I cannot be allowed to even teach just my adult classes...OK, whatever...I will take 3 weeks off, even if I run out of sick days and you don't pay me. In the end, that will mean that I really only have 2 weeks left of work before I start my new job and never have to see crazy boss again!!! And also, I would probably die if I had to get up, get all business casual, and go all the way to work until late at night. Gotta put my health first, right?

The good news is that mono is like the chickenpox-- once you get it once, you are immune for the rest of your life. So that means from now on all the making out with hosts, drinking random beers, and medical dumpster diving I want. Always a silver lining.

Ritual of Firefly Release

Yesterday, I went to Tsurugaoka Hachimangu in Kamakura. The shinto shrine was having its fifth annual Hotaru Hojo Sai or, as they translated it, "Ritual of Firefly Release." In an effort to "spread Japanese nature and culture" to foreigners, the shrine sent special invitations to several embassies, including Canada's, so, thanks to my friends there, I was able to get on the list of special guests. We watched the ritual from seats right next to the pavillion where it was being performed and got to attend a special reception afterwards.

In addition to trying to make the event "international," they are also trying to use it to show how "eco" they are. (Being "eco," as in ecologically friendly, is a big boom in Japan right now...) To give you an idea of what the ritual and their "eco" idea is about, here is an exerpt from the English program they gave out:

"Tsurugaoka Hachimangu attempts to improve the environment in the precinct and preserve the native ecosystem. Our idea is that we can preserve or even restore the environment not only destruct. We have dealt with a challenge to improve the water quality in the precinct, so that native creatures could live in our precinct"

--OK...so far sounds like a good idea...might want to get a thesaurus next time though...can we lay off all the "precincts" please?

"The ritual is took place at Yanagihara Shinchi (柳原神池, literally Sacred pond at willow field). We tried to improve the water quality and clarity by native percolation system which uses charcoals and stones. As summer coming, fireflies are starting to hatch and flying around the pond and stream."

--OK...hillarious grammar mistakes aside, it is great to try and improve the water quality and all...but the actual reason there are fireflies there are because YOU breed them in captivity and then release them (hence the name of the ritual) over the pond!

"The ritual of firefly release is held to recognize the preciousness of life and seasons' passing, and to thank our deities for giving our life and daily bread.

"On the ritual, fireflies are dedicated to our deities at once, with Kagura and accompaniment of Gagaku the thank for blessing to the life growing. After that, fireflies are released to the pond by the priests.

"This is a fantastic view that fireflies are flying around clear water in the twilight shade."

--Just so you know, kagura and gagaku are names of the ancient court music and dance they perform, that apparently mean "the thank for blessing to the life growing"?

Anyway, seeing the ritual with the priests dressed in traditional Heian period costume and the music was pretty interesting and almost felt like being transported into a scene from the Tale of Genji or something...if there were an entire elementary school, four "Miss Kamakuras" in suits and top hats, and hundreds of people taking flash photography in Twelfth Century Japan, that is.

Once the initial ceremony was over, the priests carried the bags containing the fireflies to the pond and released them, after all of us onlookers had been ushered to viewing places around the pond. The little buggers were quite pretty once they were all flying around and the lights at the shrine were cut to provide total darkness.

Then, we were escorted into the reception hall, quite pushily I might add, because the "commoners" who were not special guests invited by the shrine had to wait behind a fence for us to see the fireflies and go inside before they were allowed to walk around the pond. That's right, unwashed masses: you wait till I'm done! Awesome!

The head priest gave a speech thanking the embassy representatives for coming and explaining a bit about the ritual and the shrines "eco" efforts. This was accompanied by a translator, who was soooooo good that she neglected to thank the Egyptian embassy, only listed 2 out of the 3 reasons why this ritual is "important" (one of which was so that "we can tell the children how important life is because fireflies die in one week"), could not pronounce the word "environment" to save her life, and translated "kampai!" as "kampai!" (the correct answer would be "cheers") ...and, why don't I have a job translating in Japan...?

After the speach, it was time to eat! The reception hall was filled with tables laden with vast amounts of delicacies. Really, the only way I can describe it, because I have never been to an event with such posh food! There was fried chicken and pork, sushi, lobster, jellyfish, kobe beef carpaccio, fresh cherries and melon (fruit is very expensive in Japan), and other high end party food, plus all the beer, sake, and whiskey you could drink. We ate as much as we could, but when we finally left (we were the last to go), there was a ton of food left. Way to be "eco" guys...laying out so much food that you are now throwing away half of it...at least give us a doggy bag or something!

Well, they did give us a omiyage bag containing a wooden placard with a mouse painted on it (for the year of the rat), Japanese sweets, a DVD about Hachimangu and its many festivals (...thanks?), AND a container with live fireflies for us to bring home. Now they get to live out their short, 7 day long lives in captivity in my room! Wow, what an awesome gift that completely supports the concept you are trying to promote...

Aside from (or because of?) some ridiculousness though, all in all it was a fun time...and I have never felt so important, getting all that food and those gifts for free!

The contents of my goody bag.

The Japanese sweets: called hotaru ("firefly"), they are made of mochi filled with redbean paste with bits of yellow stuff to make it look like fireflies lit up at night! Very cute, and delicious.

Video I took of the event...I didn't have a very clear view over the heads of people in front of me so I didn't film the middle of the ceremony...First, the priests come in and the West and East sides are blessed. (skip the main part) Next the procession exits carrying bags filled with the fireflies. Finally, the bugs are released over the pond. The music in the background is the traditional court music mentioned earlier.

Edelstein Part Duex

On the 17th, with birthday ticket in hand, four friends and I went back to Edelstein Cafe. To make a long story short: it was better than I even imagined...

One friend, who I will call by the name he chose to go by at the cafe: "Cameltoe," pretended that he couldn't speak Japanese or English...but only French. The staff still tried to talk to him in English, and I was pretty hillarious (I know, we are so mean). Since I and some of my other friends don't speak French and in order to keep up the charade, when 'Cameltoe-san' said something, 'Matildaba' would have to translate into Japanese for me, and then I would have to translate into English for 'Rumplestiltskin.'

We were having a lovely time when, suddenly, one of the students began playing "Happy Birthday" on the piano and the rest of the students and teachers sang (yes, in Engrish) while presenting me with a special birthday dessert. Then, it was time for my special "commemorative photo." The cake was delicious, and the photo is great too (they even signed it). The best part, though, is that I was wrong about only getting one birthday ticket ever...they gave me another one to replace the one I used up! Looks like I know what I am doing for my birthday next year!

The school principle and a student...notice the angel wings they drew on with permanent marker!

Godzilla in Flower Country: The Movie

Godzilla in Flower Country

Over the weekend I went to a place called "Kurihama Hana no Kuni" or "Kurihama Flower Country." I did not, however, go to see any lame flowers...no way...I went to see the GIANT (probably close to life-size) Godzilla statue...whose tail, by the way is a slide. Yeah...don't really need to make any more coments on this one...just check out the pics for yourself.


We were actually standing on a very narrow, high wall here...yes, facing any danger for a cool picture...your welcome.

There were signs that said, "Don't climb on Godzilla, it's dangerous, signed Godzilla" but of course...us foreigners can't read Japanese, so we didn't know...

The train on the way back was so deserted we got a car to ourselves...which means Sarah can climb onto the luggage rack!

Edelstein Cafe

Last Sunday, two friends and I went to Edelstein Cafe--a German all-boys bording school themed cafe. Yes, you read that right, although you may want to read it again to let it sink in. You may have heard of Japan's "maid cafes," where girls dressed in maid outfits serve costumers tea and coffee and play games with them (for an extra fee of course), which are aimed primarily at male "otaku" or "nerds." This cafe is for the female otaku, who enjoys "boys love" comics, where the characters are good-looking young men who fall in love with each-other. You can see how a place such as an all boys bording school with all male teachers would be the perfect setting for such romance. The staff at Edelstein are all attractive men who play the part of either a student or teacher at the school. The customers play the part of the school's patrons (who are for the most part female...although men are deffinately welcome to visit as well).

I had to make a reservation a week in advance because the small 20 seat cafe fills up fast. There is also a time-limit of an hour and 15 minutes before you have to leave to make room for the next reserved customer. Though there is, surprisingly, no cover or extra charge outside of the price you pay for what you eat and drink, so it is not outrageously expensive.

Now, let me walk you through my Edelstein experience:

We arrived promptly at our reserved time (being a top-notch bording school, they have very strict rules about timeliness). Upon entering, we were greated by the principal, and then handed over to a man in a white lab coat (who we later discovered was the science teacher), who explained the rules of the school and had us fill out our "visitor passes"/stamp cards (like at subway). The passes must be worn around the neck while visiting the cafe, to ensure no one unrelated to the school disrupts the peaceful atmosphere.

We were then led to our table by a student, summoned by the ring of a bell, who presented us with the menu and another copy of the rules (no photography, 1 1/2 hr. time limit, etc.). He then left us to consider our options. When he came back to take our order, I made sure to ask him, "what type of weiners are included on the 'weiner plate,'" to which he answered, "sausage and chorizo," without missing a beat. (wow, either he gets that joke a lot, or it just doesn't translate into Japanese...) We eventually ordered our drinks and a cheeseplate to share.

Since one friend and I ordered beer, it had to be brought to the table by the science teacher and the principal, since the students are under-age. The science teacher also brought our cheese, but was stumped when I asked for an explanation of the types of cheese. He had to go back to the kitchen to ask, before telling us it was, blue cheese, cheese with pepper, and "smoked cheese"--wow...didn't know you could just have cheese "smoked" (I always thought it had to be a certain type, like gouda, or cheddar...) Well, he was the science teacher, not the lunch lady afterall, so can't hold it against him.

Meanwhile, when not waiting on customers, the students, who wore adorable blue plaid uniforms, would sit broodingly in the corner, reading a book. Gotta study for the big quiz on Monday I guess. Meanwhile...the whole time we were there, the three of us just barely managed to keep from bursting into an uncontrollable fit of laughter...it was really hard because everyone, both the customers--I mean visitors to the school, and staff--I mean the students and teachers at the school, were so serious. Does no one in Japan realize the ridiculousness? Well, I suppose if they did, places like Edelstein Cafe wouldn't exist, so I am truly greatful that "ridiculous" is not in the Japanese vocabulary.

Before we even got to harrass (good-naturedly of course) the students and teachers as much as we would have liked, our hour and 15 mins. were up, so we had to pay the bill before being escorted out by the principal. On the way out, though, he did point out that they had a wide selection of books and games that could be used freely. So, next time, we will deffinately have to try to get some of the boys to play chess with us or something. Oh, yeah, there will most deffinately be a next time. Especially since we received birthday tickets that can be redeemed during ones birthday month and entitle one to a special birthday dessert, a happy birthday serenade by the students and teachers (oh, Sweet Jesus I hope it is in Engrish!!!), AND a special memorial photo! Since photos are usually prohibited, I am especially excited about this. Looks like I will be going back next month for a birthday extravaganza, hahahahahahaha!

For more info on Edelstien cafe (in Japanese): http://www.cafe-edelstein.com/top.html

We couldn't take photos inside, but that didn't stop us from taking them outside!

Punk Spring

Sunday the 6th was Punk Spring--an annual punk music festival. I went, and it was AWESOME!! There were a ton of bands, most of them ones I didn't really know, so I will just give a break down of the bands that I really enjoyed, in order of appearance:

1. Bowling For Soup
I am not really a fan of this band, but in their live show, they were hilarious! They would play 2/3 of a song, then stop, and say stuff like, "wow, we are doing an AWESOME job...yeah, we are so great!" and/or taking a drinking break. Then, after about a minute of random chatting, they would finish the song. The best part was that most of the primarily Japanese audience had no idea what was going on, because they don't understand English. So, to them it was probably like, "oh, the song is over?...oh, next song?...huh?WTF?" But for me...I was basically rolling on the floor the whole time.

2. Flogging Molly
YES!! Finally, I got to see Flogging Molly live! And they did not let me down! They played a ton of my fav songs, including "What's Left of the Flag," and everyone was super into it, so it was really really fun!

3. The Buzzcocks
Wow! They are so old now! But still rocking super hard! Impressive!

4. Maximum the Hormone
The only Japanese band on the roster, and one that I am a big fan of. They are hardcore punk, but still manage fun and interesting melodies. Plus, they have a really cool female drummer. The mosh pit for this band was SUPER fun too!

5. Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
First of all, I love punk covers, so I am a big fan and have all of their albums. I was a little disapointed by their set because the majority of songs they played were from their newest album, "Love Their Country," which actually makes some country songs listenable, but is not their best album, in my opinion. I would have liked a little more variety for their live show. That being say, they were also hilarious in their on-stage antics...starting almost every song by saying, "So, this next one is a cover." They prefaced "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" with, "If you dance to this song, yes, you are gay." (which of course no one understood, so all the Japanese guys were deffinately dancing...haha) And, before they played "Stairway to Heaven," they told people to get their lighters out, saying, "Come on, all you guys that came here to see Rancid, I know you smoke." Which leads me to the headliners....

6. Rancid!!!!!!
One of my favorite bands, ever! I still cannot believe I actually got to see them live! The mosh pit was so full, you couldn't even mosh...it was more like everybody was pushed first one direction, then the opposite, like on a packed train. But, I got up to the 3rd row, and they played all of my favorite songs! Also, surprisingly, most of the Japanese people around me actually knew the lyrics so everyone was singing along. Even in middle-age, Rancid is cool as hell-- in both looks and musicianship.

All in all, I had a great time, and was (and still am) completely covered in bruises by the end. (but don't worry...I deffinately gave as good as I got, hahahahah)

Cherry Blossoms

So the cherry blossoms, or "sakura," were blooming over the last couple weeks. It is really pretty with all the pink and white flowers...but Japan goes absolutely nuts over them. Along with the normal weather report on TV they have a sakura report that tells the prospective dates of blooming around the country. People flock to parks where there are cherry trees blooming for "hanami" or "flower viewing parties." Of course, like most celebrations in Japan, it is just another excuse to get drunk!

I went for hanami with a friend for the first time ever last Friday in Yoyogi Park. Some highlights were:

-- Watching all the people that were already super drunk when we first got there...and saying "haro" to the drunk, off-duty hosts every time they went past us to and from the bathroom (which was about once every 5 mins...)

-- Convincing a guy who was selling wine by the bottle for 1,500yen, to give us one for free and drink it with us.

-- Meeting some hosts (not the drunk bathroom hosts) and getting some free host action, before they had to go to work.

-- Joining a party of "artists" wearing shirts that said "Go For Future" and singing karaoke on their portable machine, greatly impressing them with our ability to sing Japanese songs (they all took out their cellphones to take pictures).

All in all, I'd say my first hanami was a massive success. But, I'm also glad it only comes once a year...don't know if I could handle more than that.

The falling petals look like snow!

EVERTHING was covered in petals!


My friend and I got some Shibuya girls sitting nearby to take our picture.

Namja Town!

On Friday I went to one of my favorite places in Tokyo: Namja Town. It is a food amusement park created by Namco (yes, the makers of Pacman among other arcade classics). They have Gyoza Stadium, Ice Cream City (complete with an ice cream museum of all the ice cream flavors available in Japan, like octopus, beef tongue, and beer), The Tokyo Republic of Desserts, Curry World, Relax Forrest, and a Haunted path area. As far as I'm concerned: best concept for a theme park, EVER. The wonders of Namja Town are really too great to be expressed in just one blog, and one can never truly understand unless one experiences it for oneself...so I will just point out some highlights from my most recent trip.

First of all, there happened to be some sort of anime-related event going on when we went, so in addition to the "normal" crazy stuff going on, there were a ton of cosplayers there as well...one word: awesome. Also, right now, they are doing a "Mega Food Fest," so they varies food stalls have greated giant "Mega" offerings (like an icecream parfait big enough for 24 people, and costing $350). So of course we had to get in on some of that action...we stuck to the less expensive choices though. First some Mega Gyoza at gyoza stadium.


This gyoza was the size of a plate!

This gyoza was called the "Mega Long." The picture is even funnier when you know that the guy who was working at the stall was watching us take it, laughing, and saying "rongu, rongu" (long, long) over and over again.

We also had a giant ice cream float! This was 1.5 litres of cola with vanilla ice cream on top. In Japan, though, when they make floats they put ice in the soda, and the ice cream on top...which is not what we wanted. So, I asked for it without the ice...which really confused the waitress: "Without ice? But, it comes with ice cream, so do you want the ice cream on the side?" "Um, no, ice cream on top please" "But, if there isn't any ice, and we put the ice cream on top, it will sink." Um...no, it is called an ice cream "float" for a reason...but rather than try to explain how density works to her I just said, "That's OK" and left it at that. To be fair, when you make an ice cream float the ice cream does start to melt and mix in with the soda...which I suppose is kind off like sinking...but not really, and I always thought that was the point of an ice cream float anyway...but apparently in Japan people just like drinking cola while they eat ice cream. At any rate, we got our ice-less ice cream float. Plus, since I'm pretty sure no one had ever ordered it that way, they didn't realize that the ice takes up most of the space in the giant glass, so they still filled it all the way up with cola, so we deffinately had a whole 2 liters of cola for the price of 1.5...sweet!


Props to the waitress for doing the same pose as us for this picture!

Oh, and with three people, we deffinately finished that bad boy!

So, those were the "mega" hi-lights of Namja Town. On a completely different topic. Just an FYI: when you buy feminine hygiene products at a drugstore in Japan, they are so considerate of the possible embarrassment such a purchase could cause that they have special non-see-through bags that are used specifically for those more delicate buys. Yeah...so instead of someone walking behind you happening to see the box of tampons in your shopping bag, now even the dude across the street a block away can see that you bought some period products! Great thinking Japan!!! The only place has a better idea is the convenience store Ministop...there, they put it in an inconspicuous bag labled "hot food"...which incidentally is not the bag they give you when you order something from the hot food box.

For more info on Namja Town: http://www.namja.jp/

Sorry, Japanese only.

Niigata Trip

So I went to Niigata this weekend for a sake festival with some friends. I had one of the BEST weekends ever! It was super fun, and even a little ridiculous. Some hi-lights (aside from the 2 days of all you can drink sake for 1,000yen)were:
1. Seeing a friend I haven't seen in almost 2 years.
2. Going to the Niigata City "Round One"--an entertainment center where you can pay about 1,400yen to use all the facilities (roller rink, shooting gallery, badminton/volleyball/basketball/soccer/etc, mini-bike, karaoke rooms, huge arcade (all free play), massage chairs, comics, internet, and more) from 11:30pm to 6:00am.
3. Winning a bottle of sake in a blind taste test, and all my foreign friends winning as well when most of the Japanese people couldn't do it, awesome!
4. Seeing the original Iron Chef, Rokusaburo Michiba!















5. Meeting a guy over my cellphone email.

Yes, I am serious about the last one. That was the ridiculous part of the weekend, and the topic I would like to expand on for the remainder of this entry.

First off, an explanation: I wanted to send my contact info to my friend and add his to my address book, so I asked my other friend for his info. It is "really easy" because it is just part of the alphabet @cellphone.company.jp (address changed for privacy, but it really is a different part of the alphabet...yeah, he gets a ton of spam mail). So, I put in nopqrstuvw@cellphone.company.jp and mailed my email and number. Then, we realized that his actual email was nopqrstuv@cellphone.company.jp... BUT I didn't get an email from the server saying my mail couldn't be delivered because there was no one with that email. Instead, I got an email from that address saying, "Sorry, but, who is this? How do you know my email?"(in Japanese of course) Well, it was then that my friends and I decided rather than just write back and explain the mix-up, it would be better (ie. more entertaining) to pretend that I knew this person. The following is a translation of our email exchange that night. Please note that the guy was using Kansai-ben (a dialect that is often compared to a "southern" accent in English...but I think that doesn't fit b/c it can be both funny and bad-ass, so maybe, Brooklyn accent? Yeah, imagine this guy using a Brooklyn accent.)

Me: He~y! It's Sarah! my-email-address@japan.ne.jp , TEL: 555555555. Be sure to register me! Love, Winston Churchill (heart icon)
--the last part was really in English, and is an inside joke- I will not go into detail here.

Mystery Email: Sorry, but who is this?! Why to you know my address?!

Me: You gave it to me... You mean, you don't remember?!(shocked face)

M.E.: Who introduced us?!

Me: Se-cr-et (kissy lips)

M.E.: Whaaaaaat? (smiley face) Well, where are you right now? I'm free, so let's hang out!

Me: Right now, I'm having dinner at a Thai restaurant near the Round One.
--this was not a lie...I just didn't say which Round One...hehe...

M.E.: The R.O. in Hirakata?!
--name of an area of Osaka (where they speak Kansai-ben)

Me: No, actually, the one in Niigata... To tell the truth, I am on a trip right now.

M.E.: Where do you live?

Me: Where do you think I live?

M.E.: Well, Hirakata or Yabata, yeah?(cat face) Otherwise, we can't hang out (thumbs up)

Me: Ooooooh too bad...I live in Tokyo. By the way, do you like comedy? I actually do manzai. If you want to "hang out" you can come to my homepage anytime: http://gaijindantai.blogspot.com/

M.E.: I see (smiley face) Well, if you come to Osaka or Kyoto again, let's hang out! I like manzai (cat face) Good luck (thumbs up)

That was the last email...BUT then he CALLED me!!!!

I ended up telling him about the whole mix-up... And he asked if I ever go to Osaka... I told him, "Since I do manzai, I have to go on business trips to Osaka sometimes" (Osaka is the home of manzai)... So, he said we should deffinately hang out next time I am there, AND he will call his friends and we can have a go-con (a group date that young Japanese people organize)... OH YEAH! I am DEFFINATELY gonna send him an email next time I am going to Osaka.
btw, the caps aren't b/c of sarcasm it is b/c that is totally awesome!

Also, I haven't been able to get a date in forever...and all of a sudden, I pick up some guy with my cellphone...how much more ridiculous can you get?

The Grande Finale

This past Saturday saw the conclusion of One Pound Gospel.

Kamenashi Kazuya ended up telling Sister Angela that he would continue to do his best as a boxer and would wait "in the ring" for her forever. For a minute there, I thought I was going to be surprised and she would stay a nun...but of course, this is a Japanese drama...she quits the nunnery and they get married.

The End

Oh, and everyone else lives happily ever after too.

The weird thing is that anybody who has read Japanese literature, or seen Japanese films (that have gained critical acclaim abroad) knows that they usually revolve around pointing out the futility of life, "it is better to die than to live in this world of neverending sorrow." I guess people in Japan don't like to be depressed when they watch TV. They prefer going to the movie theatre and paying $20 for that pleasure.

Payday!

So there is a town in Japan named "Obama." Can you guess how excited they are about a certain Democratic nominee? So, excited that they sent him some presents to show his support. Rather than explain it, I will just paste an article that was in the Japan Times today:

Obama to namesake town: Thanks for support
From Obama to Obama, thank you.
U.S. Sen. Barack Obama, who is running for the Democratic presidential nomination, has sent the mayor of Obama, Fukui Prefecture, a letter of gratitude for the city's show of support, city officials said Tuesday.
"We share more than a common name; we share a common planet and common responsibilities," the Feb. 21 letter addressed to Mayor Toshio Murakami says. "I am touched by your friendly gesture, and I wish you all the best."
The letter closes with the candidate's signature.
The city supports the senator because his name, although not Japanese, is coincidentally the same as the city's, officials say. In January 2007, the mayor sent Obama a letter and a local specialty — lacquered chopsticks. Last month, the city sent out another letter and a lacquered "daruma" doll with a wish for Obama's decisive victory in the nomination.

OK. In case you didn't catch it, may I point out the key sentence in this article using capital letters and italics for emphasis? "The city SUPPORTS the senator BECAUSE his NAME, although not Japanese, is COINCIDENTALLY the same as the city's, officials say." That is an absolutely FABULOUS reason to support a candidate! Obama has the same name as our town! It is a miracle! AWESOME!!!!! Guess what, town of Obama in Fukui Prefecture, I have the same name as Micheal Jackson, but that doesn't mean I support sodomy of young boys.

Obama's response to the towns gifts was really great, though. He did a great job of wording it so they would feel good without pointing out how retarded they are. Allow me to translate his response into what he was really thinking: "Um, thanks random town in Japan that has absolutely no say in whether or not I win the primaries...but do you actually know anything about me or my political platform? How about you focus on doing something that is actually productive, like fixing your own country's governmental problems...either that or convincing everyone in the States who is also named Obama that it is a good idea to choose your political representation based on having a shared name."

All that being said, I know a lot of people in the States and other countries end up voting for candidates for stupid reasons, like who is the best looking, or who has the best personality, rather than what their political stance is...but have you ever heard of someone voting because they have the same name. Yeah, it would be great if there was a President Sarah...too bad Clinton's first name is Hillary, otherwise I would deffinately vote for her.

*One Pound Gospel Update*
So, Kamenashi Kazuya fought the reigning Japan boxing champ, Host Boxer, in the title match. I'll give you one guess as to whether or not he won. If you guessed that he lost...you deffinately have never seen a Japanese drama. Meanwhile, Sister Angela decided that she can't face the temptation of being near Kamenashi Kazuya, and she doesn't want him to do things like put himself in danger for her sake anymore, so she asks to be transferred to a different nunnery. Oh no! Will Kamenashi Kazuya ever be able to see her again. Well, considering that Sister Angela walks to the new place...I'm guessing yes. Next week is the final episode. Can Kamenashi Kazuya beat God in winning Sister Angela's heart? Stay tuned.

Nothing too exciting...

is going on right now. BUT, I did finish making a video for my comedy duo, Gaijindantai, about Free Hugs...? It is inspired by all those cheezy Free Hugs videos that are shot in black and white slow-motion and have some crappy acoustic guitar song as the bgm. Yes, everyone needs hugs... This video is sure to touch your heart and bring a tear to your eye:




In other news (AKA One Pound Gospel):
The sisters were in Shinjuku one day picking up garbage off the street, when sister Angela was approached by a guy asking her to come to his club. She said "no" at first, but when he told her that they were in trouble and needed her help with something, being the good samaritan that she is, she agreed to go. Well, the guy takes her to a host club (host clubs are places women can go to be treated like she matters by guys, basically gigilos, who pander to her every desire...as long as she keeps buying expensive drinks for everyone at her table.) When sister Angela realizes what the place is, she tries to leave, but the Number One host comes and tells the sad story of his life: he has to work at the host club because his parents got into a lot of debt and sold him to the club to pay it off. She is so moved by the story, that she agrees to buy some champagne to help him out...one thing leads to another, and before long she has racked up a $4,000 bill...and finds out the host's story had been a lie. Wow...stupidest nun EVER. So, now the nun has to come up with the cash by the end of the week or the host will tell on her and get her kicked out of the nunnery. Kamenashi Kazuya finds out about it though, and tries to earn the money to pay off her debt by working at the same host club...which was entertaining to watch. Then his boxing coach finds out and busts into the host club to take him home and there meets the number one host, who she recognizes from a magazine (they had conveniently been looking at earlier in the episode) as non other than the number one boxer in Japan. Wow...what a small world. In the end Host-Boxer challenges Kamenashi Kazuya to a match...the title match for Japan's boxing league. If Kamenashi Kazuya wins, Sister Angela's debt will be cleared, but if Host-Boxer wins, Kamenashi Kazuya will have to pay $10,000. OMG! Who will win?! Hmmm...I wonder...I can barely contain myself until Saturday night, when we will find out...
If you want more One Pound Gospel, here is the official site: http://www.ntv.co.jp/1pound/
It is in Japanese, but even if you can't read it, the picture on the main page is pretty awesomely ridiculous.

TMI, Grandma, T...M...I...

On Wednesday mornings I teach a class with three elderly ladies who are really just learning English as an excuse to get together and chat and don't really care if they actually learn anything...so, it is a pretty interesting class, to say the least. Last week, I discovered that one of the ladies, "M," has a thing for black dudes.

How did I find this out? Well, we were talking about what we did over the week. Coincidentally, each of us had seen a movie and M had gone to see the movie American Gangster. She said it was very interesting and it had Denzel Washington in it, who is black, and he is a nice guy. So I thought, great...so, she is saying she is surprized that a black man could be a nice guy? Or did she mean he played a nice guy in the movie? (not having seen the movie I couldn't be sure, but I am pretty sure the "American ganster" is played by Denzel, and I am also pretty sure the character is not a nice guy...) At any rate, we finished talking about our weekends and moved on to talking about the US primaries, AKA the competition between Clinton and Obama, which I have already mentioned is a super popular topic in Japan right now. One of the other ladies, "K" said that she really admires Clinton because she has a lot of experience and is a very strong and powerful woman. While M on the other hand likes Obama because, "he is a nice guy." Um...OK, yeah, he seems like a nice, charismatic fellow...I can't disagree with that... It was at that point that "H," the third lady, who arrived late, came in, so we gave her a quick recap of what we had been talking about and when I mentioned that I had seen Sweeny Todd, H asked if that was the one with Russel Crowe in it...("no, it stars Johnny Deppp" "Russel Crowe was in Gladiator) H said she didn't like Russel Crowe very much, but K and M both said they thought he was "a nice guy." OK, now I know for a fact (at least I have heard) that Russel Crowe is not a nice guy at all, in fact he is a real jerk. So, this is when I realized that "he is a nice guy," is Japanese Old Lady-speak for "he is a hottie." So, it seems that M really likes black guys, and Russel Crowe. Great...now I know...and I really wish I didn't. Oh, and nobody said that Johnny Depp is "a nice guy"...WTF? He is deffinately a nicer guy than Russel Crowe and Barrack Obama, and although Denzel is a pretty nice guy, I have to say Johnny beats him as well...in fact I think Johnny Depp is one of the top 10 nicest guys in Hollywood...but I guess that is just my personal opinion.

*One Pound Gospel Update*
Even after confessing her love for Kamenashi Kazuya (I prefer to refer to the boxer's character by the actor's name, because it makes it that much more ridiculous), Sister Angela is still confused about her feelings and not sure what she wants to do. So, she does the only reasonable thing-- she goes to live at the boxing gym and train as a boxer... After staying there for a few days, being near Kamenashi Kazuya 24/7, and convincing the son of the gym's owner who runs away from home that even if he has a fight with his mom, his home is still his home (awww, so touching), she decides that she can't run away either, and must go back to her home, the nunnery. BUT...when she arrives the rest of the nuns are outside waiting for her, and won't let her in, saying she should just move out permanently. BUT...Kamenashi Kazuya shows up and begs them to let her return because, even though it would be better for him if she got kicked out, the nunnery is her home, and he wants her to be able to go home (awwww, so touching). BUT...he also tells her, "Sister Angela, I'm going to become the champion! I'm going to beat God!!" Yeah... so tune in next time for "Kamenashi Kazuya vs. GOD" in the boxing match of the millenium...hmmm, I wish...but it does look like in the next episode, Sister Angela goes to a host club, and no, I am deffinately not kidding about that one.

Also in recent Japanese news: One of the members of SMAP, Masahiro Nakai--or "Papa SMAP" as I call him, got a buzz cut for a drama he is filming...This story is causing a huge stir in entertainment news, gaining it more coverage than the Japan Self-Defense Force ship that crashed into a small fishing vessel whose crew remains lost at sea and are presumed dead. In addition to the new do, he has been on a diet (he was already super thin, of course) per the director's request. They compared some footage from last August to what he looks like now, and sure enough, he has "slimmed down and his jaw has gotten a lot sharper." When asked how he has lost the weight, he didn't beat around the bush, but declared, "well, it isn't very good for you, but I just don't eat anything." So there you have it, don't eat anything all day, except a small meal of soba or natto (smelly, fermented soy beans) in the evening, and you can lose weight too! Well, everybody was commenting on how good he looks, without commenting on how maybe you should deffinately NOT try this at home! I'm pretty sure the "Nakai Diet" is sweeping the country as we speak, by which I mean really, it has always been the case that most Japanese people who go on a "diet" have just stopped eating. Oh, and by the way, the director said Nakai still needs to lose more weight.