I was watching the 5pm news the other day, and there was a very urgent and shocking story that was being covered on every channel... Some guy was standing on a bridge over a river (don't remember which one...and it doesn't matter), when he saw...something...it wasn't a fish...it was AT LEAST 3 meters long...it deffinately wasn't a fish, there aren't fish that big in the river, what could it possibly be? It must have been...A CROCODILE!!!!!! AND there are elementary schools located near the river! OMG!!! There is a crocodile swimming up and down the river, plotting to attack school children!!!!
OK...lets slow down for a sec Japanese news...why exactly do you think there is a crocodile loose in the river? What was your proof again, oh, yeah, the only proof you have is that some random guy said he saw something that was too big to be a fish swimming in the river. So of course, it could only be a crocodile, right? Oh wait, except CROCODILES AREN'T NATIVE TO JAPAN! Did the zoo call, saying a crocodile escaped? No? Cuz I think they would probably put out an APB on that shit right away if it happened.
So, one completely random guy "says" he saw something big in the river and every news station is suddenly in a panic about a crocodile on the loose. One station had a reporter walking around the river, trying to find the alleged croc. He thought he saw it at one point, but "oh, wait, nevermind...its just a big fish."
If they thought it was Godzilla's baby or the creature from "The Host" come down to visit from Korea, I would buy it. But a crocodile? So, what, it swam up all the way from Australia? Following that one afternoon of panic, I didn't hear anymore news about it...not a single mention the next day. So, they probably finally realized that there was no crocodile, just some drunk guy who saw a log.
I'm a little bit scared now, I mean Japanese TV has always been ridiculous, but I have always at least kinda trusted the news...I mean, it is the news. Even if it is biased and/or sensationalized at times, it delivers actual facts for my consideration...or at least that's what I thought. Now, I don't know who to trust anymore...are newspapers still OK? In other news, here are some other ridiculous things happening on Japanese TV recently:
There is a show called "Gakkou e ikou! MAX!" ("Let's go to school! MAX!") hosted by the Johnny's boy band V6. One new segment is the "Ikemen oo Contest" or "Hot-guy something something Contest" (the type of contest changes each time, but it is always 'hot-guy' competing. I saw the "sleeping face" contest...and it was amazing! They had all these self-proclaimed 'hotties' lay on futons in a big room, waited for them to fall asleep and then checked to see if they were still hot while they slept, including snore-check. Long story short...even the hottest of guy is most likely NOT attractive while sleeping with their mouth open, drooling, snoring, legs splayed, or any combination there of. The guy who actually ended up winning was an AD (Assistant Director) who fell asleep sitting against the wall. Anyway, a good 15 mins. of non-stop laughter.
Oh yeah, super sexy...Next, there is a long-running magical girl anime called "Precure," which is basically "Sailor Moon" for the new generation, very popular with little girls, including my roommates 5 year old niece, which is where I got this info. In the show the 5 girls all transform into super heros with names based on what color they are (like Mint, Lemonade, Aqua...can you guess what color), all except the pink one, whose name is "Dream" yeah, OK. But, I'm getting away from the point. There are also 3 guys who are their friends and who change into cute, fuzzy little animals...or they are animals that turn into attractive young men...don't really get which. Anyway, one of the guys is a squirrel...and his name is, ready? NUTS.
It's funny, because his name is slang for part of the male anatomy.Moving on, I saw another show aimed at children where ninjas try to teach them right from wrong. (This is live-action, by the way) The episode I saw had the two teams of ninjas competing in a mime contest (not a typo) in order to win a scroll that would teach them a moral lesson. The lesson of the show was: "Don't touch people, unless you have their express permission." and "Don't make degrading comments to people about their appearance (like, 'hahaha, you're so fat!)" I have one question: Why isn't this show being shown to every school child from kindergarten to high school, or better yet every single person in Japan should be forced to watch this! Kids, and adults, are constantly groping each other!!!! And everybody is always saying stuff like, "Oh, looks like you gained weight!" or "I see you have a zit on your forhead." This is a tactless, no understanding of personal space society! I applaud the ninjas' efforts, but unfortunately fear it is too little, too late.
On a variety news program (basically a show where they talk about several topics and various talents say what they think about it/show their surprise at some interesting fact) I was watching the other day, they were talking about proving that aliens exist. They had this "scientist" on, who had concrete proof of life outside of our planet. His proof was: tube worms. Tube worms live in the very deepest parts of the ocean, where there are volcanos spewing toxic black fumes and 300 celcius degree water. The surface of Jupiter's moon, Europa, is covered with the same sort of environment. Therefore, tube worms MUST also live on Europa. OK...that sounds like the "If Chewbacca is a wookie, you must aquit" Chewbacca defense to me. Or in other words, the fallacy post hoc ergo propter hoc...thank you high school English class. He then went on to describe the other aliens that exist including details of what they look like. There are the giant, 6-legged 6-toed crab creatures that also live on Europa and eat the tube worms. Then, there are the starfish-like creatures that have appendages that look like fern leave, which they use to collect bacteria from the air to eat that live on Neptune's moon, Titan. And the most exciting, in another solar system, on a planet that is very similar to earth there are giant-brained, long-limbed beings that look like jellyfish floating above the ground and communicate through electrical impulses that light up their gianormus, jelly encased brains. And, what proof does this "scientist" have? None. Zero. He gave absolutely no proof or reasoning whatsoever, and the audience was amazed! Well, at least it wasn't on the "real" news.
The new drama season has started, and aside from the 5-- yes-- 5, police detective dramas, there is a doctor drama starring one of Johnny's favorite idols, Tomohisa Yamashita, or Yamapi for short. The show is about young doctors who are on a fellowship to try to earn a space working as a helicopter doctor (like the doctor who goes to accident scenes by chopper and bring patients back to the hospital.) It is called "Code Blue: Doctor Heli Emergency Rescue." The name of the helicopter is also "DoctorHeli." For real? Now I wanna go to a Japanese hospital and find the landing pad. It is actually pretty good, kinda like "Gray's Anatomy," but without all the sex...cuz that is deffinately not going on in Japanese hospital...yeah right...all the female doctors would be all up in Yamapi's shit...
I'd ride in your helicopter anytime, Yamapi.Finally, I was watching a quiz show today. At the end of the show, they have a song performance by some of the participants (who are actually singers) to promote their new single. Today's performance was by the new unit, "Aladdin" that is made up of girl band Pabo and boy band Shushishin. The song is called "陽は、また昇る" or "Positiveness will rise again." Clad in rainbow-colored, samba-esque costumes, some of the most memorable lines they sang were: "Let's go, Japan! We are a smart Country! We thought of cup ramen, can coffee, and karaoke!" "We also thought of 'turtle tawashi' (a type of scrub brush), a long time ago!" "Let's go, Japanese Salary men!!!!"
Take two ridiculous "bands" add some fruity-ass costumes and have them sing a song about how great Japan is...they will deffinately become the new royal family here.Aaaand, I think that pretty much sums it up.
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